One Last Chance to Shine
by Telemachos
Summary: In which Sirius is neither nonsensical nor giggly, Lily does not have a group of friends all named Mary Sue, James doesn’t magically grow up over the summer, Peter speaks, and Voldemort hasn’t gone on a brief holiday.
1. Chapter One

ONE LAST CHANCE TO SHINE

In which Sirius is neither nonsensical nor giggly, Lily does not have a group of friends all named Mary Sue, James doesn't magically grow up over the summer, Peter speaks, and Voldemort hasn't gone on a brief holiday.

_All recognizable characters and events from this chapter onward belong to JK Rowling._

ONE

1.

The morning of September 1st dawned in a sheen of gloomy obscurity, the morning's quiet humidity corrupted by the thousand clouds pillowing the sky. In spite of the grey weather and her sister's particularly loud shriek when she discovered a frog in her bed, Lily Evans' face bore a bright, seemingly indestructible smile as she made her way through King's Cross Train Station. Pushing her trolley through the barrier to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, she stopped to the side of the bustling crowd of students and checked her watch. Noting that she had only ten minutes before the train left, Lily wove through the platform with her trunk behind her, nodding and offering vague smiles to various people she knew as she passed them. Making it to the side of the train, she halted again, searching her pockets for her wand so she could levitate her bulky luggage into the aisle.

"Need some help, Evans?"

Lily turned to see Benjamin Fenwick, a tall Ravenclaw that had been her Charms partner the year before, standing nonchalantly behind her with his hands in his pockets and wearing a cocky grin. "Thanks, Benji, that would be great," she smiled at him, stepping aside so he could lift her baggage onto the train.

"Not a problem," said Benji, catching her eye and grinning as he heaved the trunk onto the train with little difficulty. "I heard you got Head Girl—congratulations."

"Oh—yeah, thank you!" Lily said, her hand drifting unconsciously to the top left corner of her Muggle sweater. "I wasn't sure I was going to get it, so I was really pleased."

"I'd've been shocked if you didn't," Benji said, and then added with a snicker, "Especially with Black and Vance in the running with you."

"Emmeline could have gotten it," Lily interrupted, frowning.

He shrugged, his brown hair flopping over his forehead as his eyes stared at her skeptically. "Right."

Lily narrowed her eyes slightly but was saved from answering when a voice coming from behind her caught her off guard.

"Oy, Lily! You're looking a bit peachy; finally managed to gain some weight this summer?" Lily turned around and smiled at Marlene McKinnon and Alice Elliot, two of Lily's dorm mates in Gryffindor Tower, giving them both brief, one-armed hugs.

"Your hair looks gorgeous, though," Marlene continued without missing a beat. She fingered a strand of Lily's copper tresses. "And look at your skin! Did you go to Spain again?"

Lily bit her lip in a futile attempt to hide her amusement at Marlene's outrageous (and completely routine) antics. "I did, actually, but only for a week," she replied, smiling at Alice, who was unusually quiet. "Did you go anywhere at all?" she asked, directing her question at Benji as well as the girls.

"Africa," Benji replied promptly before anyone else could say anything.

"Really? I thought you said you were going to France," Lily said quizzically, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Er…yeah, actually, I'm lying," he admitted, grinning. "Honestly, though, who would pick historical sights and gigantic bugs over topless women?"

"I was about to say 'me' but then I remembered the other bit of historical sights," Marlene shuddered, her distasteful remark causing Lily to smirk. It was a well-known fact to since third year's Bogart lesson that Marlene was absolutely terrified of both Muggle and magical insects.

"Oy! Fenwick! Get over here!" someone yelled from across the platform.

"Gotta run," Benji said with a lopsided grin, rapping Lily's chin with his knuckle as he jogged past her to join his fellow year-mates. "I'll catch you later though, Lily, I want to talk to you about something."

"Right, see you Benji," Lily said, rolling her eyes as she hoisted herself onto the train and moved aside so Marlene and Alice could follow her. "Listen, girls, I've got to be somewhere, but I'll see you at the Feast," she said to them before turning down the aisle with her trunk dragging behind her, searching for an empty compartment where she could temporarily stow her belongings. Finding one about halfway down the train, Lily dropped her trunk on the ground, swirling her previously evasive wand in the air so it levitated to the top rack. Quickly changing into a set of robes, she pinned on her Head Girl badge and opened the door.

"_Shit_!" Lily yelped, crashing into someone just as they walked by. Even as her arms flapped uselessly by her sides she wondered how on earth the person she'd crashed into had managed to throw them both to the ground – she hadn't by any means leapt out of the compartment.

"I know I always said you would fall for me, Evans, but you didn't have to do it so literally," a wry voice commented from the right of her elbow. She twisted around to see a pair of hazel eyes behind wire-rimmed glasses staring down at her with a mixture of amusement and annoyance.

"_Bloody_—ugh," said Lily incoherently, shifting around so she was out of the way of curious students that were passing by. "James," she said, her chipper mood diminishing as she surveyed her messy-haired companion through bleary, half-opened eyes. She forced a smile that turned into a grimace as his knee dug into her throbbing back. "Sorry to say but I'm actually not too pleased to see you."

James Potter snorted as he stood up and offered her a hand. "Well, at least in this way," he said, his hand unconsciously rubbing his backside before it shifted to his hair. "So," he added. "How've you been?"

"Really well, thank you. And you?" she said automatically, smiling at someone she knew as they passed her.

"Swell, now that I've seen your lovely face," he returned smoothly.

"You'll never change, Potter," Lily sighed. Not being able to resist, she added, "But what happened to that picture Sirius said you had of me last year?"

"Not the same. Besides, it has creases on it since it's been under my pillow for so long," he informed her seriously.

Lily raised an eyebrow, trying to decide whether or not he was actually joking. "Well, I suppose you'll have to steal another one," she said, finally accepting the proffered hand and standing up beside him.

"Did you just give me permission?" he mocked, releasing her hand and beginning to make his way towards the front of the train.

"No. You don't need any more encouragement," Lily said distractedly, following him in the direction of the Prefect's compartment, where she had been headed before she inadvertently threw them both to the ground. "Caradoc," she greeted, nodding to a passing Ravenclaw she'd tutored in Potions the last two years.

"Good, because I didn't want to take points off my own House before the term even started," James said casually.

"Wait, what?" said Lily, thrown off for a second.

He stopped and turned around, grinning cockily. "I'm Head Boy."

Lily gaped at him, momentarily stunned. "Wh—oh," she said intelligently after a moment of awkward silence. "Well then, congratulations."

He bypassed her well-wishes with a dismissive shrug and asked, "You're Head Girl?" He gestured to the badge on her robes, causing her to look down and then back up with a slightly forced smile.

"Yes; I was actually heading to the meeting…didn't realize you were going as well."

"I figured you would be. Couldn't have been anyone else, really," he said, smirking at her. "Top of the class, complete teacher's pet, probably the most popular girl in the school—"

"How come you got picked then?" Lily quipped before she could stop herself.

"Last time I checked I was definitely a bloke. You can check to make sure if you want though," James said easily, ignoring the inadvertent barb.

"I'll pass for now," Lily said tersely, holding back a more rounded retort. She resumed walking, her preoccupied mind leaving no room to acknowledge the students she brushed past.

For six years, James and his friends had literally wreaked havoc in virtually every corner of the Hogwarts grounds, destroying any sense of propriety the school previously owned. By third year, it was rumored that the caretaker, Filch, had created a completely separate file cabinet for the four boys because of their ridiculous detention records and constant rule-breaking. Before long they were the self-proclaimed leaders of the school, second only to their upperclassmen.

In spite of their reputations, all four of the boys preformed quite well in their classes without seeming to work at it at all, something that had irked Lily to no end since their first year. This, as well as her philosophy of actually following the rules, led to an almost instant enmity between the boys and herself, particularly in her relationship with James Potter. Since first year and a juvenile incident involving a packet of Drooble's and her hairbrush, any contact between the two was noticeably strained, often resulting in raised voices and –sometimes – well-placed hexes. In fourth year, Potter discovered a new way to irritate her by asking her out on dates publicly at least once a week. Needless to say, she'd refused every time, but he persisted well into sixth year before stopping, and even then he continued to flirt at every passing moment. It was at this point that Lily and James began to gain some semblance of a civil relationship; and, although Lily frequently found her temper tested when around the messy-haired Chaser, they were able to reduce their conflicts and sometimes even hold several interesting conversations. He was still the most arrogant person she'd ever met, but at least they had stopped biting each others' throats out.

At the end of sixth year, despite their progress, Lily and James got into a hot disagreement in Astronomy that led to the restoration of their feud for the remainder of that term. Lily couldn't recall why exactly they had been arguing but remembered that more than a few nasty insults were exchanged by both parties involved. She suspected that it was this event that fed to his casual query as to how she had been in their opening conversation.

Before she found out about her position as Head Girl, Lily hadn't thought twice about Potter. Upon receiving the badge, however, she made a promise to herself to attempt to reduce their arguments to a bare minimum in order seem somewhat responsible. Now that Potter was Head Boy, though, they would have to be increasingly aware of their teetering relationship. She was relieved that James bypassed her most recent comment, but that didn't mean he would do it next time. If they weren't able to get along, there was a strong possibility that they would each be removed of their badges by Dumbledore, something that she refused to let happen. And even though James held equal responsibility with her as far as making sure that never happened, Lily wouldn't – couldn't – allow herself to be the culpable one.

She couldn't help but wonder why he was appointed Head Boy, though. Although his incessant pranking diminished towards the end of last year, it had by no means stopped, and there were numerous occasions in which Lily had seen James and his friends come into Gryffindor Tower well after curfew. Moreover, Potter had never been Prefect. If anyone was to be Head Boy, Lily would have expected it to be Remus Lupin, who, although one of James' best friends, was easily the most responsible and rule-friendly of the four. She supposed that the only thing that stopped Dumbledore from giving the position to him was Remus' family's periodic illnesses, which would have caused him to be absent far too often to be able to perform his duties properly. That still didn't explain why James was chosen, though; several of the Prefects from other Houses would have done equally as well.

Nearing the Prefects' compartment, Lily pulled herself from her reverie and called James aside just as he was about to open the door. "Listen, James, we have to sort some things out before we do this," she said firmly.

He raised an eyebrow. "Do what?"

Lily fought the urge to sigh and remembered dismally that they hadn't even started classes yet. "Look," she began, hooking a strand of hair behind her ear. "We're not going to get anything done this year if we don't get along, and I won't risk losing my badge over some petty argument, whether it's you fault or mine. We obviously didn't leave off on a good note last year, but I'll make an effort if you will."

He waited for her to finish before he replied. "All right," he said simply.

Lily eyed him suspiciously; surely that wasn't all that he had to say? "I mean it, Potter. I don't want to have to let some silly rivalry between the two of us ruin this for me. I've wanted this position ever since I learned it existed."

"I said all right, Evans; I meant all right," he said coolly.

"Okay then," Lily said, still somewhat doubtful. She bit her lip before opening the door and then added lightly, "I suppose the Prefects at the very least will be happy to know about this."

He shook his head, a small, sardonic smile forming in the corners of his mouth. "I can't say I disagree with them."

2.

"…Any more questions?" Lily finished, looking around at the obviously bored Prefects.

"Can we go now?" someone drawled from the back, leaning back in his chair so his weight rested on two legs.

"You're done when the Head Girl says you're done, Nott," James retorted at once.

"I think we've gone through everything, don't you, James?" Lily said, quickly intervening before a fight broke out.

"Yeah, I s'pose," James said, not taking his eyes off of the Slytherin. "Right then, you lot. Scat."

The room emptied in less than ten seconds, leaving a slightly awkward silence between the two Heads.

"That went all right, didn't it?" Lily attempted, facing James with a determinedly cheerful expression. He scowled.

"Sure, if you call constantly being interrupted by Slytherins 'all right,'" he said moodily, scraping back his chair as he stood up. "I'm leaving."

Lily watched him stride towards the door of the magically enlarged compartment, her anger growing. Although James possessed a natural charisma that demanded attention, he was still seen by many of the students (including, to an extent, her) to be unsuitable for the job, an element dependent specifically on his reputation and lack of previous experience as a Prefect. That, coupled with the fact that the Slytherins already held Lily in low esteem due to her heritage, led to the chaos of today's particular meeting. Nott's comment had been a mere pigment of a much larger picture, one she was only too glad to release at the meeting's end. Anyway, allowing James to leave without some form of rebuke would produce beneficial results for no one. During the meeting he had, more often than not, responded inappropriately to several of the Prefects' scathing remarks.

"Potter, stop," she said, walking around the other side of the table to meet him at the compartment door. He turned to look at her.

"What, Evans; already missing me?" he said, his familiar smirk contrasted by the flinty expression in his eyes.

Lily ignored him. "Stay here for a minute, will you?" she said, trying to keep her temper at bay and remain polite. He shrugged noncommittally but did as he was told. Lily sighed.

"Look," she began. "I _know _it must be hard for you. I know, okay? But that doesn't give you an excuse to blow up every time a Slytherin makes a snide comment. You just can't do it like that, James. You're Head Boy now; you're supposed to set an example."

"How do you expect me to set _your _idea of an example when they're running around and calling you a Mudblood!" She flinched slightly, but whether that was because of his choice of language or his tone she didn't know.

"Don't," began Lily icily, pushing her doubts to the back of her mind, "accuse me, Potter."

They both glared at one and other for another long moment before Lily drew herself up, shooting him a nasty look, and added, "Besides, they didn't say it just now. Don't bring up an issue that isn't even on the table, Potter."

"What, so it's better that they call you it behind your back?" James snapped, his harsh voice grating in her ears. "Evans, have you even looked at the papers recently? Do you even realize what's out there? Voldemort is attacking Muggles left and right, Evans, and those _arseholes_—" He said the word with such vehemence that Temper's eyebrows shot up— "are probably right on the front line. And don't give me that shit. I knowyou heard Black calling you a—a Mudblood—but did you do anything? No, Evans, you just sat there like a good little girl and took it. This tin badge seems to mean more to you than your supposed Gryffindor pride."

Lily went white with anger. "I don't know," she began, her voice raw, "what the hell you think you know about my life, Potter. I know about Voldemort. And yes, I heard Black. But you know what? If you think you can just decide to randomly lose your temper and blow up at people because of a damn _word_ then you need to get yourself straightened out, Potter. If you keep reacting like that – blowing a fuse; throwing a temper tantrum – you're going to get _nowhere_. I'm not going to bother dealing with stupid words while real problems are going on in the world, and I wouldn't expect you to either."

Lily thought the train might have shuddered with the force of the slam that shook the compartment when she left it.

3.

"So, Lily," Marlene began, buttering a biscuit with her right hand while simultaneously dumping salt and pepper on her mashed potatoes. "How is working with James going so far?"

Lily shrugged. "It's not bad, actually," she said, swirling her food around on her plate until it was a catastrophic mess of carrots, gravy, and potatoes. "He did really well for not having been a Prefect."

"Yeah, but how're _you _doing?" Marlene asked pointedly. "It's not exactly a secret that during fifth year you could barely go a day without blowing up at him."

"Yes, but it got better last year, didn't it? I mean, there was still that thing at the end, but for the most part we were fairly civil to each other. And I had already decided to be extra patient around him before I found out he was Head Boy."

"That's our Head Girl," Marlene said, grinning. "I'll bet you decided that the second after you got your badge." Lily smiled but didn't answer.

"Have you been reading the papers lately?" Alice questioned, breaking the uncharacteristic silence she'd been submerged in since Lily sat down at the Gryffindor table. Lily looked down, and Marlene sobered immediately and leaned forward.

"Yes. Did you hear about the Bones family?" Marlene said grimly. "My Mum's good friends with Edgar's mum – she was awfully upset when she heard the news."

"Wasn't Edgar Head Boy three years ago?" Lily said.

Marlene nodded. "Yeah, and his parents are really against the Dark Arts. Apparently You-Know-Who got through the security with no problem at all – Edgar and Amelia made it because they were late coming for dinner, but Mr. and Mrs. Bones didn't get out in time."

"Frank was attacked a few months ago," Alice said quietly. "You-Know-Who wasn't there, but his followers were. You know…the Death Eaters."

"Is he okay?" said Lily, a surge of sympathy accompanying her shock as she realized the source of Alice's strange behavior. Perhaps one of the shyest people Lily knew, Frank had begun dating the charismatic, bubbly Alice almost a year ago now. His high achievements in both OWLs and NEWTs along with the rising threat of You-Know-Who installed him as an Auror immediately after graduation. Alice, of course, was distraught when she learned of his close proximity to the war but had since acknowledged that it was for a good cause. Lily knew that she would have been terrified upon learning that her boyfriend was in St. Mungo's.

"Yeah, he's all right now," Alice said bitterly, a dark, brooding frown set against her normally cheerful demeanor. She looked up and offered Lily and Marlene a half-smile that didn't reach her eyes. "It makes me wish that I was just done with school so I could be there for him when he came home. I never know if he's going to come back."

Lily exchanged a glance with Marlene, not knowing how to reply. She wished she could say that Frank would get out all right, but judging by the gruesome articles the Daily Prophet kept printing, there was a strong possibility of that not happening, as horrible as it was to think about it.

"Alice," Marlene said suddenly, breaking the short silence by leaning forward and catching Alice's hand in a quick movement. "What's this on your finger?"

Alice blushed prettily and pulled back her hand, her face flushing all the way up to her hairline. "Nothing – I mean, Frank –"

"You sly cow, you're _engaged _to him, aren't you!" Marlene hooted delightedly, wrenching Alice's hand back and goggling at the large white diamond donning the blushing girl's fourth finger. "Merlin Alice, it's gorgeous! Isn't this a Longbottom heirloom? I could've sworn I saw Frank's barmy mum wear it with her vulture hat to the train station once!"

A small crease appeared in the corners of Lily's eyes as she watched the scene in front of her. Alice looked embarrassed but undeniably pleased as Marlene fawned over her ring. "Congratulations, Alice," said Lily politely. "It's a beautiful ring."

"Thanks," said Alice, smiling gratefully at Lily. Her grin faltered when she caught the redhead's subdued expression. "What's wrong?"

"It's just…isn't it a bit early?" Lily ventured tentatively, not wanting to hurt Alice's feelings. She glimpsed the hurt look on Alice's face and hurried to continue, inwardly chiding herself for speaking her mind on this particular subject. "It's just that you're not even seventeen yet and you've got a whole year left of school before you're done. And then there's the war and all…won't it be a bit dangerous?"

"That's what I said," Alice said, looking upwards in the direction of the enchanted ceiling that reflected the bleak settings outside. She bit her lip and smiled. "But what have we got to lose? It's not like I'm marrying him right away. The wedding won't be for a while yet—this is more of a promise ring than anything."

"Oh sod off, Lily, and stop being such a spoil-sport," Marlene said, cutting cheerfully into the brief lull in conversation that followed, apparently unaware of the awkwardness between the two girls. "They love each other! Do you even remember when the bloody clod finally got up the nerve to ask her to Hogsmeade? Right hilarious, that was."

Marlene's banter succeeded in breaking the tension. Lily laughed, pushing her trepidation aside as she glanced down at Alice and offered a slight smile meant for reconciliation."I dunno who was more red, him or her," she put in cheekily.

Alice looked relieved. She swiped playfully at Lily's head and missed, laughing in spite of herself. "It was sweet!" she insisted.

"Your face looks like a turnip now," Marlene noted, catapulting the girls into giggles all over again.

4.

An hour later saw Lily standing in front of the gargoyle leading to Dumbledore's office, a resolute frown dominating her features as her hands shifted to her hips and she glared at the statue's stony countenance. "Amortenia. Wolfsbane. Grindelwald. Phoenix. Muggle. Nitwit. Strawberry. Venemous Tantacula. Godric. Rowena. Helga. Salazar. Poltergeist," she tried, growing steadily more frustrated as she rattled random words off in hopes of somehow striking on the password. When Dumbledore had told the her to come to his office that evening after supper, she expected him to be waiting for her and James, not to spend the first fifteen minutes she was there babbling incoherent strings of words to an ancient, unmoving figurine. As it was, the good mood that encompassed her person earlier that morning was well on its way to the dungeons. "I've got an invite from Dumbledore; let me in!" Lily whined plaintively, temporarily giving up on mumbling the useless secession of words. The statue still didn't move, but a telltale smirk adorned its features. Lily scowled and resumed her monotone chanting, her patience rapidly (and very dangerously) thinning.

"Puddifoot's. Whomping Willow. Exploding Snap. Firewhiskey. Flobberworm. Treacle tart. Occlumency—oh for Merlin's sake, can you please just OPEN." Lily kicked the space next to the gargoyle and slid down the wall, glaring ferociously at the floor in front of her. "If I had known it was going to take this long I would have brought a Sugar Quill or something—"

At these words, the gargoyle suddenly sprang to life from under her back, causing Lily to fly forward and crash unwittingly into the opposite wall. "No bleeding way. Sugar quill?" said Lily disbelievingly, untangling herself painfully from the ground and dusting off her dirty robes. She stomped up the staircase irritably, mumbling obscenities under her breath about eccentric headmasters and mute statues. When she got to the top, she raised her hand to knock only to have James Potter open it right before she banged the wood, causing her to accidentally bash her fist into his glasses.

"Bloody hell, Evans, watch where you're banging!" James yelped, clutching his empty wire-frames while the glass panes bounced all the way down the stairs. Lily scowled, her patience far too tested to deal with him that night.

"Sod off, Potter; you'll be all right," she said crossly, swishing her wand once so that the panes reversed their movement and popped back into the frame of his glasses. "There," she said, barely acknowledging him as she swept into Dumbledore's office and greeted the Headmaster with a short apology. She seated herself in one of the two chairs across from the Headmaster, allowing her eyes to drift around the never-before-seen office to take in the numerous magical devices and swirling instruments. She pretended not to notice the disgruntled expression on James' face as he took the seat beside her, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"That's quite all right, Miss Evans; Mr. Potter and myself were engaged in a most intriguing conversation before you arrived. Lemon drop?" said Dumbledore, his blue eyes smiling at Lily through half-moon glasses.

"Er, no thank you, Headmaster," she refused politely, surreptitiously casting a glance at James' irritated face. She wondered briefly what he and the Headmaster had been speaking about but knew better than to ask. She cleared her throat awkwardly. "You, er, didn't happen to give me the password in your note, did you? Only I was out there trying to think of the password for more than a quarter of an hour."

"I do apologize, Miss Evans; it must have slipped my mind," Dumbledore said; his expression, despite the sincere-sounding words, expressing amusement. No doubt he had heard some of her more zesty statements outside the office. Lily flushed a dark red at the thought but pushed it away, remembering that Dumbledore would have called the two Head students to his office for a reason.

"Er, Professor, did you want to speak with us about something?" she said.

"That would indeed be a feasible reason for my calling you here, would it not Miss Evans?" said Dumbledore, smiling benignly and folding his hands in front of him. Lily blushed, but he appeared not to take notice. "Nevertheless, you are correct. Before the term begins tomorrow I must relay to you the rules and duties that come along with the privileges of your stations as Head Boy and Girl. You will be expected to conduct Prefect's meetings, in which you will discuss various problems that have been called to attention. You are also required to help monitor the hallways in between classes for troublemakers and assist all younger students – or older, for that matter – should they need it." Lily nodded; she'd expected something along these lines. Preparing to rise, she stopped when she realized that Dumbledore had more to say. He leaned forward, his long white beard brushing the underside of his desk, and fixed both Lily and James with an uncharacteristically serious expression.

"Both of you scored exceedingly high on your OWLs; highest in your class along with Mr. Black and Miss Elliot." Lily felt a jolt of surprise when he mentioned Alice – while it was well known that Sirius was brilliant but usually chose to apply himself to things other than schoolwork, she had never really paid enough attention to Alice to take note of her academic ability. She pushed the new information aside and refocused her attention on the wizened Headmaster before her. "That, however, was not the reason you were chosen for these positions. As I'm sure you both know, the times grow dark with the threat of Lord Voldemort. It is more important than ever that we locate our bonds of loyalty and make sure they do not fray. You each are natural leaders amongst your fellow students – you are looked up upon by your skills and your charisma. It is now, more than ever, that we need leaders to keep us together and unify us against the efforts of the Voldemort before it is too late. I am counting on you to set an example against the dark forces that are working outside our walls. In that regard, should you hear of anything suspicious you must report it to me or Professor McGonagall immediately."

Lily sat in shock as the eccentric Headmaster she'd never paid much attention to stopped talking, a whirlwind of questions swirling in her mind. He picked _her _to be a role model in the shadow of a war against You-Know-Who? Lily knew she was book-smart, but she wondered if Dumbledore made the right choice in making her an icon for the student body. Lily had never truly gone out of her way to be a leader, and, while she knew that younger students often came to her in the form of asking questions for homework, she doubted that their respect went much beyond that. She now realized why James Potter had been Dumbledore's choice for Head Boy – almost everyone, excluding the Slytherins, looked up to him in spite (or perhaps because of) his pranks and rather rebellious reputation.

"Do you really think that Voldemort will try anything within these walls?" James asked, shocking Lily by saying You-Know-Who's name for the second time that day. Although, she reflected, the only reason she herself called him You-Know-Who was because all her friends and the newspapers did. James was probably one of the few in the school that dared to call him by his name, and Lily couldn't help but feel slightly envious of that.

"There are some students who will find his beliefs appealing," Dumbledore said evenly, the brightness in his blue eyes ebbing slightly and making him look suddenly much older. "Many of these will have been strongly persuaded by their families." James' jaw tightened and he nodded, looking as though he knew exactly what Dumbledore was speaking of. Lily felt as though she had missed something and wished, not for the first time, that she didn't grow up in a Muggle household.

"Have you any more questions?" Dumbledore asked, directing his words more towards Lily than James. "No, Professor," said Lily softly, standing up and shaking the Headmaster's curiously firm hand. James repeated her sentiments and they left, walking out the door and down the steps into the eerily silent corridor. They didn't speak until they made it back to Gryffindor Tower, where Lily mumbled a quite good-night and James dropped onto the couch, too tired or too thoughtful to go back up the stairs where the rest of his friends were waiting.

5.

"Hello, Remus," Lily sighed as she slid into the desk next to a sandy-haired boy in the front of the Arithmancy classroom the next morning, rubbing her head and dropping her books next to her. "How are you?"

"I'm all right," Remus replied, peering dubiously into the Head Girl's exhausted face. "Are _you _all right, though? You look dead on your feet."

"Classes start at eight," Lily said mournfully. "I miss the summer already."

Remus opened his textbook to the first chapter. "How did your meeting with Dumbledore go last night? James came back looking like you guys had discussed the end of the world or something."

Lily hesitated. Although she and Remus rarely spoke outside of class, she had always considered him a good acquaintance and a friendly ear. He had the air of someone that one could talk to without risking judgment, but at the same time Lily didn't want to say something that would somehow betray Dumbledore's trust. Besides, if James hadn't told his best friend what they'd spoken about than it was hardly up to her to say something. "Oh, nothing," Lily said airily, waving her hand around. "Just duties and responsibilities and such. James was probably just overwhelmed by all of it."

"He's a bit anxious about this Head Boy thing," Remus confided to her. Lily looked at him with surprise – judging by James' air on the train yesterday, he'd been supremely confident and not worried in the least bit. "So try not to be too hard on him at first – he's really trying. Actually, I think he was more than a bit shocked when he got that letter in the mail. I think he's worried about letting people down."

Wondering why Remus was telling her all of this, Lily said, "Well, I'm sure he'll do fine. He's one of those natural leaders, you know? People just flock around him and do whatever he tells them to do. It'll be the same with the Prefects. Once they get over the fact that he was a troublemaker before the Head Boy, of course."

Remus appraised her, looking interested at her last comment, but chose not to elaborate. "Maybe. But he's not really like that – ordering people around, I mean. He's not a bad bloke."

"Yeah, maybe," said Lily, deciding to let it go so as to forego an argument. Luckily for her the professor chose that moment to welcome the class back from the summer and begin passing out the syllabus. Lily tilted her head on her hand and absentmindedly began doodling on the sides of her textbook, wishing that she was still in her bed, dreaming up some nonsense about unicorns, daffodils, and Petunia dressed as a garden gnome. Somehow even that seemed preferable to thinking of the beginnings of what looked to be a very eventful year.


	2. Chapter Two

ONE LAST CHANCE TO SHINE

In which Sirius is neither nonsensical nor giggly, Lily does not have a group of friends all named Mary Sue, James doesn't magically grow up over the summer, Peter speaks, and Voldemort hasn't gone on a brief holiday.

_All recognizable characters and events from this chapter onward belong to JK Rowling._

TWO

1.

"Oh-ho! A perfect potion, Miss Evans! Seems the summer did nothing to your skills, eh?"

Lily fought the urge to bang her head against her cauldron, instead forcing a smile at a jovial Professor Slughorn. "It seems so, sir," she agreed blandly, too tired to joke (the first class of the day generally had that effect). A loud splash behind them made both student and professor turn around to see Caradoc Dearborn and Benji Fenwick laughing it up while their potion bubbled over and onto their desk, a sick, putrid smell penetrating the air.

"Bloody idiots," Lily mumbled, turning back to her cauldron and offering a wry smile and an eye-roll to her Potions partner, Henry Griffin, another seventh-year Ravenclaw. "Keep stirring that, will you? I'll go get the vial."

"Er, how long?" Henry said, eyes flicking worriedly back and forth from their clear mixture and the bubbling mass of Benji's and Caradoc's.

"Doesn't matter," said Lily, pushing back her chair and retrieving the vial from the cabinet. "Here we go," Lily sighed a few seconds later, reaching her seat and waving her wand around so that the cauldron tipped and poured the potion into the glass vial. She took out her book and began working on the homework assigned for that night only to realize that Caradoc was throwing parchment balls at her from behind. Trying to ignore him at first, Lily finally gave up and turned around in her seat, admonishing a scowl upon his figure that he ignored.

"Evans, you want to go out tonight for a snog? Say, the library, six thirty?"

"Er, no."

Benji laughed at him. "Told you mate. She's like a bloody wall." He turned to Lily, donning an innocent smile. "If you wanted to snog _me_, Lily, I'd make sure and take you somewhere you can't refuse. You, me, Whomping Willow at nine?"

"Well of course, Benji! How could I say no to such a classy offer?" Lily said sarcastically, hiding a grin.

"Oy!" said Caradoc. "Traitor." Lily and Benji laughed at him. "Seriously, though. I need help with this Potions rubbish."

Ignoring Benji's snicker of, "Not going to argue there, mate", Lily said, "Yeah, all right then. I have a meeting with James tonight at seven though – how about eight?"

"It's a date, then," Caradoc said. "Told you she'd rather go out with me than you, Fenwick!"

"Naw, she's just making you feel better," Benji insisted.

"Slughorn's coming over again," Lily lied. The portly professor was all the way across the classroom with a pair of Ravenclaw girls. "Finish your potion." She turned back around to face her desk and yawned, dropping her head onto the hard surface. "Ow. What time is it, Henry?"

"We still have twenty minutes," Henry said. Lily turned her head just slightly to look at him. Henry was an odd sort of friend. While she always joked around with her other mates, Henry was a serious, quiet bloke that was more studious than people like Caradoc and Benji. He was quite good looking, standing almost six feet tall with short brown hair and lovely eyes. She'd gone to Hogsmeade with him once, actually, back in third year, but it never got much further than that, mostly because they couldn't think of anything to talk about besides school. He was particularly contemplative and silent today, which, though not completely foreign, Lily didn't really want to deal with.

"Henry? Anything wrong?" Lily said, deciding to be nosy.

He looked quickly at her, seeming almost surprised that she had spoken. "Er, nothing, I guess," he said, clearing his throat.

"Liar. But okay," Lily said, offering him a smile to say she was just joking. "How did your summer go? I don't think I ever asked."

"It was all right. Stayed at home, most of the time."

"Where do you live again? Somewhere by London, right?" Lily asked.

"Surrey."

"Ah." This conversation was getting boring. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go…" Lily searched the room and said the first thing that she saw. "…ask James about the meeting tonight. Be right back." He didn't reply. Was he sick, perhaps? Lily shrugged and slid out of her seat, walking around the back of the classroom where James and Sirius, an unfinished potion beside them, were puffing wisps of air out of their wands at Susan Bones, who kept rubbing the back of her neck and looking around suspiciously.

"Blokes," she said, shaking her head and catching the attention of the two boys in front of her, who turned around with identical grins. James' faded a bit when he saw her, she noticed, but decided to not let it bother her. "We're still on for tonight, right? Seven o'clock?"

Sirius' eyes bugged out. "_What_?"

"Head meeting," James muttered. "Yeah, unless you've got to back out, Evans. Gotta date or something?"

"Yes, Potter. I have recently decided to ignore all my responsibilities in order to date this bloke I've fancied for ages. Of course not, you pillock," Lily said.

He grinned at her, dark eyes matching hers. "You know what they say. Seventh year's the last chance to do all the crazy stuff."

"You're right," Lily agreed. "I'll go up to my dorm right now and draw out a list of all the stunts I'm planning to pull this year. First one? Find out how to expel the Head Boy."

"Ouch, Prongs. This bird's got a bite," Sirius said, grinning and leaning forward to cock an eyebrow towards Lily. "Say, Evans, when you get rid of the Head Boy, what are you planning on doing with all the spare time? How about we pair up and take over Hogwarts together, yeah?"

"Evans? Right. When's the last time she broke the rules?" James protested, shoving his dark-haired compatriot on the shoulder and half-laughing. "Besides, she wouldn't devirginize herself with a Marauder, would she?"

Lily didn't bother asking what James was talking about looters for. She didn't think she'd like the answer, just as she hadn't liked the words that led up to the statement. "If it involves you or Black, Potter, probably not. Anyway, I'll see you later, in the library, yes?"

"All right."

Walking out of the classroom and into the hall minutes later, bag slung across her shoulder, Lily felt an arm drape around her shoulder and turned to see Benji next to her, grinning. "Lily, Lily, Lily. Thought you could get rid of me so easily?"

"What are you talking about?" said Lily, trying to shrug off his arm without being obvious.

"I wanted to talk to you, remember?"

"Oh, right. Yeah. Well?"

Benji looked suddenly embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "Er, yeah. I know we were joking and all back there, but I really did want to see if you'd go to Hogsmeade with me next visit." He looked briefly panicked at her doubtful expression and added quickly, "Just casually, you know. Not like a date really. What do you say?"

"Er, I don't know, Benji," Lily said hesitantly, careful about wording her thoughts. "I don't really have a lot of time for blokes this year, you know? I'd go out with you, really, but I want to start off lightly. I'm going to have a lot on my mind, with the war and school and Head Girl and such."

He sighed, almost imperceptibly, before grinning at her wryly. "I didn't really expect anything less, but oh well. When's the last time Lily Evans accepted a date from any bloke, recently?"

"Not for ages, I'm sure."

"No…no, I suppose not. Well, I'm always around, whenever you decide to loosen up a bit. Go with me as a friend? I can't have people see me, Benji Fenwick, without a date at Hogsmeade after all."

Lily straightened her face to keep from lifting an eyebrow. "As friends? Sure. But I don't want anything out of it, Benjamin, all right? We're square on that?"

"Completely square," Benji agreed, grinning. "Can I walk you to Charms?"

"No," said Lily, turning her head to the opposite wall so he couldn't see her bare smile. She grabbed his arm and led him down a different corridor. "I don't have Charms right now. Take me to Defense?"

2.

Later that week found Lily sitting alone in the library on a Saturday afternoon, a blank sheet of parchment in front of her and _The Daily Prophet_ sitting somewhere near her right elbow. Brushing the end of a quill against her mouth musingly and frowning at the parchment, she started forward, stopped, then dipped the quill in ink and began to write.

_Dear Mum,_

_I'm sorry for not writing sooner; classes have all started off quickly and I'm having a rather __difficult __time remembering everything from last year. I suppose summer __holidays __and wedding__s have that effect most of the time, anyway__. How is everything there so far? I know Petunia was rather worried about the flowers since the botanist cancelled. I hope that got sorted out.__ I still have to speak to Dumbledore t__o see if I can leave the school for the ceremony. How many days before do you want me to come, again?_

_Head Girl duties haven't been __too difficult so far__I had my second meeting with the Head Boy, James Potter, the other night and it wasn't bad at all. I think we will get__ along quite well;__ I hope so, anyway._

_Hope all's __well__ including your new job__…__I miss you!_

_Love, Lily_

_P.S. Can you __give__ Dad __the __letter behind this? Thank you. I love you._

_-_

_Dear Daddy,_

_It seems like so long since you brought me to King's Cross the first time, and I can't believe that this is my seventh year! Can you even imagine? History is horrible as ever and Slughorn is, as always, half amusing, half __irritating__In Potions the other day I could barely keep my eyes open, I w__as so tired, and he didn't even __notice. I feel sort of sorry for him. He just kept coming back and __trying to speak with__ me. Anyway, i__t's not as difficult as I imagined__ keeping up with Head duties would be__. Head Girl. Can you believe __I got __it? Can you believe anything? Never mind__, stupid question. _

_It was such a relief to get back to school; __Petunia's wedding arrangements __were__ driving me__ bloody__ mad__ all bloody __summer__I didn't want to say anything before, and __I know it's horrible for you __that we get in so many fights__, but honestly, Dad. She's mental. And Mum got ME __into trouble for charming her closet! She spends so much time __fannying__ around with all things white I thought I was doing a favor by changing the clothes._

_I feel like I never know what to say to Mum. Did you ever notice, how I can't relate to her at all? She's all frills and romance and Petunia, and I'm not. __I should have been named__ Lucinda or Ingrid or Pricilla__ or something else horrid and grim__, not Lily. _

_By the way, __James Potter is Head Boy this year. Do you remember him? Can you IMAGINE what I'm going through__, then__? I suppose that's a bit of an exaggeration. He's not all that bad of a bloke, really, apart from the fact that stupid stunt with the gum. APPARENTLY (not like this makes anything better) the only thing that got me caught up in more pranks was because I spent time with Severus Snape, who, by the way, is still and will forever remain an idiot until he stops hanging around those Slytherins. They sort of scare me. Like today Rosier, he's a sixth year, was cursing the hell out of a Gryffindor fourth year, and half the jinxes he used I KNOW aren't taught in proper school curriculum. I'm sorry, Daddy. I wouldn't talk about such unfamiliar things if I knew it honestly doesn't matter with you. It seems like I don't talk to anyone__ about the important things__, anymore. You know how I used to be such good friends with Alice and Marlene and Rebecca? Well, __Becca's__ been gone for two years anyway, and it seems like now I spend time around blokes __more than anything. __Dunno__ why. It almost s__eems like they're easier to get along with, or something.__Simpler._

_I sort of wish you were at Hogwarts, Dad. Everything's insane. Not in an I-have-a-horrible-life sort of way, but more of an I-have-a-bor__ing, meaningless, pointless-life. (W__hich doesn't make sense in a way, I guess__How can something boring also be insane?) __You know when you used to say we would grow up and change the world? I want to believe that. I got my Head Girl badge and thought, 'Hey, this is it. Lily, this is your chance.' It doesn't work like that. It's not even that big of a deal, really. I get to stay up a little later, use magic in the hallways, but life goes on for everyone else. There's this Dark wizard, of some sort, coming up now. Dumbledore seems fairly worried about it, and so does James Potter. I can't do anything to stop that either. Alice is. She's gotten engaged, and then she's going to go and fight with Frank. I don't even know what I want to do__ yet_

_Anyway, I miss you so much. I want to talk to you__ It would be nice, to hear your voice again. I'm __starting __to forget it. I think that's what scares me the __most__, that__ I can't remember even though it hasn't been all that long__. I feel like home isn't __the house __anymore; my home is at Hogwarts.__ I can't really tell, because __I don't know where you are.__ I'm babbling_

_…__I __still __can't believe Alice is engaged! __Seventeen.__ She's seventeen. Does she even love Frank? I love you, Daddy, but I already know that other stuff doesn't exist. Alice is…was…used to be, I suppose my best friend, and I don't understand how she lost herself like that. She's bloody seventeen. Who knows what will happen when she gets married? She'll __tire of __him__, learn to truly bicker and argue__. Won'__t she? Doesn't everyone? __Well, you know how I don't expect anything in that area__ anyway__I'll probably die childless and unmarried and hideous when I'm __seventy__ years old. I am __going to Hogsmeade with my mate Benji next weekend__, though__. I love__ Benji. He's bloody hilarious. There's n__ever a dull moment when I'm with Benjamin__, so I don't have time __to stop and think.__H__e knows I don't want any lines, __as well, __which is nice. __Ben's probably my best friend now, Dad.__But not really.__ He's just the one I talk to the most. __Is that sad?_

_Miss you more than anything,__ but maybe your voice the most, _

_Your__Pricilla_

Finished, Lily scanned the letters for spelling and crossed out most of the swear words in the second. She then stowed both into her bag, got up, and made her way towards the Owlery, knowing that the letters wouldn't arrive until the next day but still hoping that, if she hurried, they would make it early.

3.

"No, I really don't think so."

"No? _No? _Come on, Lily, you must be alone in the whole bloody world to think that. Please. I mean, look at the bloke, for Merlin's sake. He's a bloody dish with smile."

"He's an idiot. All he _can _do is smile. How boring would that relationship be? And I'm going to Hogsmeade with Benji."

"He's not an idiot, he's a fifth year. There's a difference."

"Normally I would agree, but not in this case."

"No, there's definitely a difference. And don't be stupid. Benji won't care! I He knows you never go for a bloke seriously, anyway."

Lily shook her head, trying to blot out her roommate's words by glancing over a Charms essay due the next day. "Marlene, seriously. Lockheart is such an idiot I can't even begin to describe him. Remember that whole greenhouse incident a while back?"

Marlene huffed. "Not the point. He was a _third _yearthen. Huge difference."

"Hm. You should go out with him, then, if he's so exciting."

"Yes, but he obviously has his heart set on you. Haven't you heard? The bloke's planning to ask you to Hogsmeade tomorrow."

Lily's head shot up. "_What_?"

"Well, no. But isn't he gorgeous?"

Lily banged her fist on her forehead, once, then stared into an open hand. "Gorgeous. Definitely."

"I agree," a new voice rang into the conversation unexpectedly. "I am rather attractive, I'm glad you finally noticed. What's with the change of heart?"

"We weren't talking about you Sirius," Marlene said.

"Damn. I'm sure the conversation was about to turn that way, though. Wasn't it, Evans?"

"You read my mind, Black," Lily said absentmindedly, chewing on her lower lip and going back to finish off a paragraph with a string of words and a loopy "g".

Lily heard a chair scrape the ground as Sirius Black grabbed the end of one of the chairs across from her and flipped it so he sat on it backwards. Seconds later, another two chairs scraped and Lily looked up to see James Potter and Peter Pettigrew sliding to group around the table that was blessedly empty not five minutes ago. Inwardly sighing, Lily banished her homework to her bag, knowing she would never get anything done with this lot around her.

"So what's on with you blokes?" she said, scooting further into the table and tucking her legs underneath her chair. "Explode any cauldrons yet? Obliviatethe first years? Convince a ghost to haunt Snape?"

"No, hadn't thought of those yet," Sirius said, leaning forward and concentrating on her. Lily felt vaguely uncomfortable. "Although the last one was rather brilliant. Prongs?"

"Excellent," James smirked. "Thanks for the suggestion, Evans. Never knew you had it in you."

"Why do you bother hanging around these miscreants, Peter?" Lily asked exasperatedly, more to the air than the boy. "Honestly, you blokes are all going to end up in Azkaban within six months of leaving Hogwarts. Where's Remus?"

"Ill. He swallowed on of those Blubbering Mangies Sprout was growing for next term," said Peter, carefully managing to avoid answering the first question, Lily noticed.

"What the bloody hell was he eating a plant for?" Marlene said. "They're green."

"Looked like licorice wands," Sirius supplied easily. "They don't turn green until they ferment."

"Is he okay?" asked Lily, feeling like smiling and wondering if it seemed too insensitive. This didn't sound like Remus Lupin, least intrepid of the Gryffindor seventh year boys, at all. It was sort of hilarious, in a bad way of course.

"Barmy idiot'll be out for two days or so, but apparently it's not painful. He just can't really see, his eyes're swelled up to the size of a Quaffle."

"Poor thing. Sounds humiliating," Lily said. "Maybe I should go visit him."

"To _laugh_? Blimey, Evans, he isn't a joke shop," said Potter, giving her a dirty look. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, Potter, do you think I would really laugh? I just want to see if he's okay, is all. If it was you I might – laugh, that is –, but I'm actually mates with Remus."

"We just told you he's fine. Trust his best friends to know. The poor bloke doesn't need constant attention."

"I was just going to visit him, Potter; Merlin, what's your problem?"

"Had a fight with his girlfriend," Sirius revealed helpfully.

"Shut the hell up."

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend!" Marlene interjected excitedly. "Who is it? It's not that girl from Hufflepuff, is it? She's very nice, a bit obsessed with Ancient Runes though. Kind of strange, if you ask me."

"No, it's—"

"Padfoot, _shut up_,"

"—that bird in Ravenclaw, Blanchet," Peter finished.

"There isn't a Blanchet in Ravenclaw, is there? I hope there's not, anyway. I don't know her."

"I didn't fight with my girlfriend!"

"Good grief," Lily snapped. "I should have stayed in the Tower. You lot are so loud."

"Shh!" Peter hissed. "_She's about to come over_!"

All five of them turned in the direction of the front counter, where the librarian had her steely eyes fixed on them. Lily mouthed "Sorry!" and mimed a hand turning down the volume for a Muggle appliance. The librarian sniffed, nodded once, and turned away, obviously dissuaded for a moment.

"Merlin you blokes are loud," Lily said, glaring pointedly at Sirius, who merely grinned.

"Come on, Evans. Tell me you don't want to know about Prong's girlfriend."

"I don't want to know about James' girlfriend."

"That wasn't – I didn't meanit like that! You're supposed to ask. It's not really Blanchet, anyway. Peter was lying."

"Just…shut up, Padfoot," James decreed irritably.

"I disagree, Padfoot. I would like to hear all about James' girlfriend. What is it with these stupid names anyway?" Marlene interjected. "Prongs? Padfoot?"

"Crazy story. The Head Girl won't like to hear it," James said, his mouth smirking at Lily, who glared.

"Why are you still talking? Why are you still here? You'd think you'd've taken the hint by now and left," Lily snapped.

"You mean you don't _want _us here, Evans? How terrible," said Sirius.

"Does that mean you're not moving?" Lily said. "I'll just go, then. I'd say it was nice chatting with you, but…well…it wasn't."

"Wait, Lily, what about—"

"I don't bloody _care _about Lockheart, McKinnon! Stop harping on about it," Lily said, suddenly furious. Not knowing how to apologize and still maintain her dignity in the short silence that followed her outburst, Lily decided for shoving her chair in and grabbing her bag, face pale. "I'm going," she said. "To…find Benji. And no, Potter, I won't go and see Remus. Don't want you to get pregnant since your will was defied, or something." She cleared the library in seconds, leaving behind a table of rather confused classmates.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" Sirius said, directing his question to Marlene, who looked nonchalant as she sharpened her quill against the edge of the table.

"Oh, don't worry," she said cheerfully. "Lily's just brassed off."

"Er, yes, we could see that. Why?"

Marlene studied James for a moment, tilting her head with a mysterious smile and a raised eyebrow. "Do you really want to know?"

Two of the three boys grimaced, taking the implication of her words in and shaking their heads. "Er, no, we're fine."

"Yes, actually. Why?" James said, staring at Marlene intently across the table. Sirius and Peter looked rather shocked James asked, seeing as Marlene implied that the reason Lily was cross was gender-specific and involved things they definitely did not want to hear about.

"I don't know. Ask her sometime," Marlene admitted with an offhand shrug. "She gets like this, sometimes, usually right after she gets back from holiday. I'm off, anyway. See you blokes tomorrow."

"That was odd," Peter announced after Marlene had left. "Prongs, wasn't that odd?"

"I don't care," said James. "The cow almost went off at me when I was saying about Remus. I don't care why she's strange."

"Er, I said 'that', not 'Evans'," Peter said hesitantly, but James didn't reply.

"I can't believe they like _Lockheart_," said Sirius. "All he can do is bloody smile."

4.

"So, Alice, how's Frank doing?" Marlene asked the next morning, buttering a piece of toast and looking expectantly at a now-beaming Alice, how had just received a letter from her beau.

"Good! He says to say hiya to you lot."

Lily plopped into the empty space next to Alice, avoiding Marlene's eyes. Marlene cheerily ignored the tension and said, "Oy, what took you so long to get down here?"

"Couldn't sleep last night," Lily said. "Listen, er, Marlene, I'm terribly sorry about yesterday. You caught me in a really foul mood."

"Oh, that's okay. We're used to it," Marlene said, waving off the apology while Lily stiffened, barely noticeably, at her words.

"What do you mean, used to it? Normally I'm not like that," she said.

"No, not normally," agreed Marlene. "Just after you get back from seeing your family. How's your mum?"

"She's well, I think. I wrote her a letter a few days ago," Lily said. Glancing down at her mixed plate, she pushed her fork around, oozing the cheese and the eggs and the pancake fragments together until she felt queasy. "Er, I think I'll go up to the Tower for a bit. Forgot my Transfiguration things."

"See you in a minute," Marlene said, and Alice echoed her call before turning to Marlene and saying,

"When is the last time she ate?"

Marlene frowned. "Dinner, last night, of course. Lily always eats. What are you on about?"

"I said 'eat', Marlene, which means actually putting food in your mouth and swallowing, not putting it on your plate and playing with it."

"I dunno. I'm sure she has, recently. She's fine though – Lily Evans doesn't need anyone mothering her. We'd better let it be. Say, Alice, what else did Frank say? Your face still looks like a tomato."

Outside of the Great Hall, Lily stopped under one of the arches leading outside and leaned against it, closing her eyes and feeling irrepressibly exhausted. So far this year she'd had an absolutely horrid time trying to sleep, and it was beginning to show, even though they were only little more than a week into the new term. She felt stress beginning to press down on her – not from schoolwork, or Head duties, or any of that really, but more with trying to deal with her emotions. Lily was used to being in control – feeling in control, rather – and lately she felt as though everything was oppressing her and making her irritable. She wasn't characteristically a testy girl, but she had changed so much in the past two years…since Becca left, really, and after Severus Snape killed their relationship. Or at least their amiable relationship. Perhaps it was after that…Whatever the cause was, anyway, it was making her ridiculously insomniac, and it needed to stop.

"Evans, what are you doing out here?"

Potter's voice ran abruptly into her thoughts, a welcome – if decidedly jarring – interruption. Lily didn't really like thinking philosophically at the moment, anyway. Clearing her face and readying it for a smile, she replied,

"Oh, just trying to remember where I left my books before I go all the way up to Gryffindor Tower."

"You, er…you had to stand there for twenty minutes to remember where you left your books?" No doubt meant to mock her, his tone stood little but to make her laugh, which she did.

"James, don't be absurd. Two minutes can't be counted as twenty, honestly! And why were you standing there watching me, anyway?"

"I wasn't," he said, taken aback by her return to normality – or, just as well, _ab_normality – from the night before. "I was kidding. Why aren't you eating breakfast, then?"

Lily shrugged and brushed her hair back impatiently. "Dunno. Not hungry, I suppose. Plus Alice just got a letter from Frank Longbottom that she's mooning over, and I can't bother sitting and watching. And I had to get my book, of course."

James looked doubtful but rather unwilling to voice disbelief; definitely a smart move, Lily noted wryly. "All right, then. I suppose…I'll…see you later. Feel better." He strode through the doors into the Great Hall, leaving Lily to debate between staying under the arch and risk running into more potential conversationalists, or to go back up to the Tower to perform a nonexistent search for the book currently lying at the bottom of her bag.

In the end, Lily discarded both ideas and went to the library.

5.

With the next weekend arrived the first Quiddich game, and with the Quiddich game arrived a torrential of wind and rain. Huddled in the stands with a group of Ravenclaws, Lily peered through the strands of her wet hair, wondering why she had even bothered to come. Oh, yes. Because Potter was a stark raving mad lunatic and had practically threatened her – and the rest of the Gryffindors intent on avoiding the horrible weather – if they didn't show up to cheer the team on. Which was why, consequentially, Lily was currently sitting in the Ravenclaw stands, stubbornly protesting her forced attendance in the best way she could. That, and because Alice and Marlene were giggling up a storm when they all left and had shown no signs of stopping once they arrived.

"Cole shoots; saved by Gryffindor Keeper Onslen!" cried the unidentifiable commentator, whose voice was so drowned out by the rain and the exuberant cheers circling the pitch that Lily could barely make out the words.

"Catch the Snitch. Catch the Snitch. Catch the Snitch," Lily chanted under her breath, making sure to be quiet so Caradoc, who was chatting non-stop next to her about the match without really noticing her lack of enthusiasm, wouldn't hear.

"GO BENJI!" Caradoc suddenly bellowed, deafening Lily's ears while simultaneously spraying bits of drool from his mouth. "Oops, sorry Evans."

"Eww…" Lily said, but she couldn't even hear her own words because of the roar that had enveloped the pitch after that, cheering the Seekers on as they catapulted towards the Slytherin stands and the Snitch. Lily abandoned her pessimism for a brief moment, joining the Gryffindor supporters (and earning a few nasty looks from the people around her while doing so) with a semi-loud cheer. Within a moment, however, Lily's cry died in her mouth and she sat back down, arms folded across her chest petulantly while the Ravenclaw stands burst into even more raucous screams of delight.

"Bugger," said Lily to Caradoc, who wrapped his arms around her and crushed her up against his front just to be obnoxious. "Your mate's an annoying twit, you know that right?"

"I don't see why! He just won us the first match!" Caradoc crowed, wheeling around to hug a pretty blonde next to him Lily didn't know, and then moving to three other people, all of which looked just as excited as he did.

"Wonderful," Lily muttered, wiping off strings of dripping hair from her forehead and looking around to see the best way to get out. She _knew _she shouldn't have come to this game, and a pox to Potter for making her. After a long, sopping, windy battle in which she fought to make it to the Great Hall before the onslaught of Ravenclaw supporters did, Lily finally got inside, where she stood for another thirty minutes in an attempt to help Filch keep students coming in single-file.

"_Potter_," she snapped at the offending boy as he finally trooped in, glasses askew on his nose and hair plastered to the sides of his head. "You could have at least won, instead of dragging me out there to see use bloody lose!"

"Sod off, Evans, if _you're_ the only reason you want me to be upset about losing for, then you can get your head out of your arse, because to be quite honest I don't really care about you right now," James bit back angrily, making Lily blanch. He stalked off, the rest of the team following him with subdued, sloppy steps (Filch looked ready to kill), before she could reply.

Feeling vaguely guilty, Lily turned to Filch and said, "Is that the last of them then?"

The caretaker squinted and peered suspiciously out into the pouring rain before giving her a short jab of his chin, which she assumed was an affirmative sign. "All right, then. I'll be leaving."

Walking back in the direction of the Tower, Lily hesitated, fingering her half-dried, ratty locks of hair. Going to the Prefect's bathroom, she decided, was probably a much better choice than going to the Common Room, where the atmosphere would most likely be stifling and downcast with the loss hanging over their heads. And there was also the small detail that James wouldn't be there, which was definitely a plus. She didn't really know what to say to him after her comment that, she realized now, was unquestionably rude and ill-timed. So much for her vow of courtesy – but, then again, when at all had she managed to control herself this year? At least she was consistent.

-

So is it just me or does this fic seem to have absolutely no point to it? I hope it doesn't come across that way, but I rather think it does.

Sorry about the delay, but it will happen again….perhaps not _as_ long, with any luck. :) Thank you to all reviewers from the last chapter! I love you, even though I didn't take your advice to update quickly.


	3. Chapter Three

**Sorry - if you think you've seen this chapter before, you're right. I forgot to add in a bit at the end that probably made a lot of people confused because of the abrupt cutoff. **

ONE LAST CHANCE TO SHINE

In which Sirius is neither nonsensical nor giggly, Lily does not have a group of friends all named Mary Sue, James doesn't magically grow up over the summer, Peter speaks, and Voldemort hasn't gone on a brief holiday.

_All recognizable characters and events from this chapter onward belong to JK Rowling._

(Sorry for the wait, as usual. For older readers who have all ready read the first and second chapters, know that I added a scene into Chapter One that I accidentally left out before. If you'd like to read it, it's under section two, which should make finding it easier. I will be referencing it in the future.)

THREE

1.

Generally speaking, meals at Hogwarts were loud and boisterous, perhaps because they were the only times in which most of the student body were in a single area at once. Breakfast, ironically enough, was no quieter than lunch or dinner, although admittedly less active depending how early you got there. Which was why Lily was shocked to walk into the Great Hall a few days after the Quiddich game to find the entire student body nearly silent.

Faltering in her step slightly, Lily quickened her feet and slid in at the end of the table next to a sixth year Gryffindor she knew. "What's going on?" Lily whispered, stealing a furtive glance around before flicking her eyes back to the sixth year.

"Eleanor Rhoo just got a letter from a black Ministry owl," Ramona Parsley whispered back, her eyes on the Hufflepuff table. Lily noticed, rather perturbed, that everyone else in the hall looked that way as well. Eleanor, face pale, looked as though she didn't even realize that everyone stared at her.

Lily bit her lip, wondering if she should do something. Get Eleanor out, perhaps – she didn't need all this attention, not right now. Everyone knew what the black owls meant – death, and usually the parents. "How long ago?" Lily asked.

"Only a minute before you got here," Ramona said. Across the room, Eleanor's friends were gently pulling the girl to her feet, expelling Lily's inclination to go over and comfort the girl. Probably for the best, Lily decided hesitantly. She didn't even know Eleanor – only that she was a fourth year and the younger sister of Matthew Rhoo, who graduated only last year. They hadn't been friends; merely acquaintances that spoke limitedly during Prefect meetings. And now one or both of his parents were dead. Lily felt rather numb.

As soon as Eleanor left the hall, voices broke through the hush as students ardently speculated as to what the cause could have been. Lily, feeling sick and not at all wanting to gossip about this particular topic, excused herself from the table and walked through the front doors of the castle. With the 

beginning of October had arrived drier, colder weather, and Lily could feel the cold in her bones as she wandered across the grounds.

"Poor Eleanor," she mused out loud, voice cutting into the air and sounding sinful in the silent exclusion around her. She released an almost-laugh at the insincere line, a bitter, loud noise that came from the back of her throat, and shook her head. She didn't believe in pity – not in pity, and not in sympathy, if there even was a difference. Pity showed a lack of true understanding; it was a lackluster attempt to help but it never did. Lily remembered the looks she received when Rebecca left, and she remembered never wanting them again. Sorrow was the only consolation she – and anyone else in such a situation – had, and for other people to intrude upon it ruined the otherwise cleansing effect of privacy. If Eleanor was anything like Lily – rather, if she felt anything like Lily – she would learn to despise pretty words as well.

Thinking about Eleanor, and Rebecca, and of her family back home, time gradually faded in Lily's head, the words and memories passing through her mind like moving images on a Muggle television screen. Having lost track of time so completely, Lily realized, quite suddenly, that she was late to Potions. When she arrived to class ten minutes later, Slughorn was gossiping happily with James Potter while nearly everyone else still spoke in earnest of Eleanor's morning visitor. All of them appeared to have forgotten the typical rationale that class work revolved around edification. Indeed, Slughorn took no notice of her unpunctuality except to clap her on the back and puff, "Oh-ho, Lily, you made it!" before James Potter (the newest candidate for Muggle sainthood, now) blessedly drew him back into their conversation.

"—reckon it was the Death Eaters," two Ravenclaw girls were saying, not bothering to lower their voices as they balanced their chairs on the back legs and conversed openly with Susan Bones and her partner. "That's why the Ministry was involved—"

"Hey, Lily," Benji said when she sat down in front of him.

"Hi Ben. Why are you here so early?" Lily responded automatically, dumping her books on the desk and rummaging through them to find the essay due at the end of class.

"No reason…were you at breakfast this morning?"

Lily stopped. Turning to Benji, she smiled, a bright, cheery thing to make him nervous. "No, I didn't actually. Why? Did anything special happen? Anything that everyone would be talking about, even though it's none of their business?"

Benji faltered and stole a glance at Caradoc, who mimed cutting his throat. "Er, no…I mean, yes, but I wasn't going to ask about that. I just didn't see you, so I thought I'd check…if…you…were hungry?"

Lily turned clear green eyes back towards the front of the classroom. "No, I'm fine, thank you though." Henry Griffin eyed her slightly nervously; his textbook, essay, and page of parchment for notes all ready laid out in front of him.

"So…" he began, tapping his quill on the desk and looking jumpy. "Er, what did you think of the essay?"

"I didn't think it was that hard," said Lily. "Most of the information was in the book, right? I hope so, anyway. I didn't go for an outside source." Turning away to signify the end of their chat, Lily tried to focus on the front of the room, where Slughorn had finally begun teaching

Five minutes further into the class and just as adept in concentrating as she was in the Great Hall, Lily felt a tap on her shoulder and turned, ready to glare at Benji, but it was Henry staring at her.

"What?" she said.

"Er…" he said uncertainly, looking around as half the heads around them snapped in their direction. "I—never mind."

Lily shrugged and said, "Okay," dismissively before pretending to refocus her attention to the professor. In reality Lily hadn't been able to concentrate on the slow-moving lesson at all, too engrained with the expression on Eleanor Rhoo's face. Images scuttled around the edge of her eyes, wagging obnoxious fingers at her and swinging on the realization that this little girl was going to have to grow up without her parents – without either of them. Lily felt a sudden urge to throw up and quickly looked at the ceiling, memorizing the tiled pattern and breathing very calmly.

"Are you alright?" Henry asked.

"Of course!" Lily beamed, looking at him directly. His gaze was uncertain, and she suddenly realized why so many blokes thought girls were utterly insane. Given her not-so-appealing example – coming in happy, then almost snapping off Benji's head, now being close to tears – Lily would have wondered why blokes even dated at all if not for that prime motivation in their trousers.

"Thank you for asking, though," Lily continued breezily, her eyes subconsciously averting his in the direction of the clock, which showed they had seconds before class ended. She smiled at him again, perfectly serene, and waited for the painful thirty seconds before the bell. When they finally passed, Lily tossed her books in her bag and stood, throwing a, "See you later Henry" over her shoulder and walking hurriedly to Charms despite the stacks of time she had before class started.

Contrary to the popular supposition that the Head Girl garnered an obsession for hard work and long classes, Lily had never felt a particular penchant with any one subject. Potions was too simple and tedious to love – to her understanding, all it required was an ability to follow directions; Charms, misconceived by her friends to be her personal favorite, was too slow-paced to be entertaining; and Transfiguration, Arithmancy, and Herbology were ordinary and thus boring.

That said, the only reason Lily got such high marks was because of her determination to succeed, and because hard classes meant easy distraction from other aspects of life she didn't want to deal with – boys, for instance, and her friends and family.

…Which all translated into the fact that, for the rest of the day, Lily threw herself into notes and class with complete abandon. No one noticed, of course; she was too long used to hiding herself. In this fashion, Lily made it through the entire day with no one suspecting her of anything – no one, that is, except James Potter, whose name she now mentally withdrew from that "sainthood" list.

It started with the Prefect meeting. Since that first train ride, she and James had managed to keep the Prefects in line well enough – better, at least, than the first time. Tonight was no different – they talked at length about nothing, the Prefects listened in complete boredom, and they all left feeling like they could use at least one tankard of illicit alcohol before they ever felt ready for the next one. Normally, Lily and James' painful ordeal ended with Lily walking back to Gryffindor Tower on her own while James did whatever he did in his spare time. That night, however, the rest of Lily's routine was interrupted by James' voice calling for her to slow down as she walked through the Charms corridor.

"What?" she said, her voice cutting sharply into the air. It was late, she wanted to be in bed, and she had just finished a long, arduous meeting. James Potter was the last person she wanted to talk to, a point that he obviously failed to grasp as his next words left his mouth.

"I need to talk to you."

A resigned sigh. "That's what we're doing now, isn't it?"

He took a deep breath, shifting his neck and shoulders slightly as if to make sure no one was around. "Listen, Evans, I know you don't want to talk about what happened at breakfast this morning–"

Lily stiffened. "Why are you talking about it then?"

If the hall was better lit she wouldn't have been surprised to see a glint in his eyes at her lack of denial of his statement. As it was, his voice remained mostly unaffected as he said bluntly, "Because something needs to be done about it."

"I don't quite follow you."

He shook his head and stepped in a little closer. "Remember what we've talked about before, Evans? With Dumbledore, and before, on the train? About Voldemort?" Lily nodded. Yes. She remembered those conversations.

"What about them?"

He barely hesitated before replying.

"We've done hardly anything about it. Nothing to fix anything. I think that we should start getting involved, somehow – start showing people what's going on out there, and that they don't have to be afraid of it."

"I think that's a really good idea," Lily's mouth said, insane possibilities flowing through her mind while her excitement built up at an absurd pace. She had to force herself to stem the flow of thoughts with rationalized facts. "How do you propose we do it? Post flyers? Hold long lectures at the end of Prefect meetings? Get an Auror to come and talk about it? Come on, James. I really do think it's an amazing idea. I want to get involved as best as I can, you don't even know. But this is going to take more than a 'this is what I think, let's do it' conversation in a hallway. It will take planning. I don't have the first idea how we'd do something like that."

"I wasn't talking about that sort of planning, Evans," he replied, but he didn't sound peeved. "I'm talking about the little stuff at first. Eleanor Rhoo? I'm dead sure that it was Death Eaters that killed her. Her family was too liberal and too open-minded for it to be innocent, and both her parents at the same time? It's suspicious."

"Her…her parents might not both be dead," Lily said, knowing her words were a weak attempt for her to avoid the rest of his statement until she could think about it. Eleanor Rhoo? She didn't want to talk about Eleanor Rhoo.

He shook his head. "No, they're dead, Evans. Why else would the letter have come from the Ministry and not a surviving parent? Because there was no surviving parent."

A sudden thought pricked the back of Lily's mind, unpleasant and somehow sickening. "Have you been talking to other people about your theories, Potter? Because I heard someone say the exact same thing today. Eleanor does _not_ want people talking about her life like they know her, okay? And you – I don't know, _analyzing_ her situation won't help her. She needs a friend to act normally. She doesn't need a bunch of people saying they're sorry to her face and then talking about her like they know a damn thing about her life. And if you're—"

"I haven't been talking, I'm not that stupid," he snapped, and Lily thought he sounded genuine. "Seriously, don't roll your eyes. Anyway, Evans, you don't know her either! Why would you think she doesn't want well-wishers? It's just people that are concerned."

"No, Potter," said Lily, and she had to pause to swallow and clear a shudder from the back of her throat. "I don't know her. And all those _well-wishers_ – they don't know her either. For Merlin's sake, _you _don't know her. How the hell can you presume that she's happy with a bunch of strangers tangling themselves in her business? Trust me on this: if Eleanor will ever get help from a stranger with the problems she's having now, it'll be forced. That girl's just going to close up, and the only people that can help her are her friends. Otherwise it's just going to get worse. You and me…we can't do anything. It would take away her privacy if we did; make her feel like she stands out in a bad way. I'm not going to do that to a little girl that just lost her parents."

"Evans, come on. I'm sure–"

"Just admit I'm right and move on, yeah, Potter?" Lily interrupted. "You don't know Eleanor. I know what to do about her, and that is nothing. End of conversation."

"No, not 'end of conversation', Evans!" he interrupted with a rush of emotion. Somehow in the midst of their argument they had ended up only half a meter away from one another and other, and with his words Lily backed away, his hot breath uncomfortably close to her forehead. "How can you say that? That we do nothing? You want to help, you say, but at the first sign of physical contact you back out! What if Eleanor Rhoo needs someone to – to talk to her, or something? If we're going to fight Voldemort then we need to do what he's not – get personal with people. Fight like we care. Fight with our guts or our hearts or our souls or whichever stupid way you want to put it. Otherwise this is going to become a battle of numbers, or, or _flyers_ and then we will end up losing. You want to help, Evans? You got to fight like you mean it. We're in school now but we're supposed to be setting examples. We got to start doing that. We got to start doing it in a way that people will look, and they will believe in whatever they believe in – good, hopefully. Equality. Life. The end of evil. We just have to start it. And Eleanor Rhoo is where we start."

Even though Lily completely disagreed with James' view of Eleanor Rhoo, and even though she didn't get along with him half the time, she couldn't stop the mad stir of excitement that came with his ardent words. A personal fight, he said – no numbers, no faceless soldiers…just one group's heart against another's evil. It was all very beautiful and frightening – Lily hadn't been good with emotion for years – but the way James said it made it real, like anyone could make a difference if they tried. Like she was in a position to make a difference and she could. Screwing her face up into an expression of neutral interest, anticipation still fluttering in her belly, Lily said, "I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree about Eleanor, then, James. I strongly, strongly think that you shouldn't talk to her. But…I can't stop you, can I?"

When he looked down at her, eyes smiling oddly behind glass frames, he said softly, "No, probably not." All of the sudden any anger in his countenance had disappeared, and all that remained was a slightly inquisitive, slightly confused smile. Lily was suddenly struck by the strangeness of the situation. "Look, Evans, we going to get past this?" _Past what?_ Lily wanted to say, but for some reason she couldn't identify she decided to give him a real answer.

"I think we may have just done, James," she said, and with her words – powerful words – she felt like things evened out between them, not from a rehearsed decision to do so, but from a common understanding.

Turning and resuming her path towards Gryffindor Tower, Lily stopped just before the corner and turned around, uncomfortably aware to see James' eyes still fixated on her.

"I'm sorry about what I said the other day. With the Quiddich. You caught me in a mood, and I shouldn't have said it."

She didn't wait to read his expression or hear anything he might say; just continued down the hall, back to Gryffindor Tower and her bed.

2.

Over the next few days, Lily found herself wanting her father more than ever, but knew that he was too far away for any sort of conversation she wanted to have. Instead she immersed herself – as usual – into her schoolwork, causing all of her normally high grades to rise with the extra rigor she put into her studying. Hogsmeade would be that weekend, so she was bound for at least a few hours to relax with Benji Fenwick…hopefully he wouldn't press her as he had begun to the other day.

As focused as she was, however, Lily's break came earlier than expected – this time with an owl that dropped a letter into her mess of eggs and tomato sauce during breakfast.

Recognizing the print on the front at once, Lily excused herself from the table, nodding politely to Marlene to signify she heard the other girl's call of, "Say hi to your mum for me, Lily!" When she ripped open the letter, Lily knew what she would see – knew what she would see, and yet felt disappointed all the same. Instead of going back to the Tower to read it in privacy, Lily stayed in the Main Entrance and to quickly scan over the letter.

_Dearest Lily,_

_Honey, it feels like so long since you've left! I'm so sorry that it took me so long to write back. You're completely right: Petunia's wedding has been incredibly time-consuming!! I am so excited for her, though. I think it would be best if you came at least a few days before – a week would be best, but I don't want you to get behind in your schoolwork. I know that's important to you, and I know that this wedding has been frustrating, so I respect whatever choice you make. Just let me know, dear, won't you? And not the day before you're supposed to be here. We have to schedule fittings and such._

_I am glad that the Head Boy is all right so far. I think I remember you mentioning him once or twice before – I thought you said he was terrible?? But boys always grow up eventually. Did you ever think he maybe likes you, dear? You know how boys are when they're young – they don't know how to interact properly at all. I imagine he's quite good looking now, right, dear? And he's Head Boy! Heavens, that __**is **__something your father would be proud of. Or maybe just me. Probably just me. At any rate, I hope things are settled between you two, otherwise it will be a very, very long year. Good luck with that! I know you can do it!!_

_I know that you are a phenomenal student, Lily, but tell me truly now: are classes going well for you? I know that you've had a hard time these past few years…we all have. Just know that I love you, dear, even though we hardly get along. I know that you think that I think too much on the positive side of things and that I'm foolish for doing so, but Lily, I've been here longer than you. I know how difficult life can be. I just choose to be optimistic about it. Does that make sense? Perhaps I am delusional. But you never know – that could also be from old age. But back to the classes: I hope that you are happy. I really couldn't care less if you got straight…what do you call them, Trolls? Anyway, I just want you to be satisfied and it just doesn't seem like you are right now. Sometimes it helps to try to look at the glass as being half full, even if the rest of your mind screams at you to be rational._

_Thank you for asking about my job, by the way. I really, truly love it right now!! Of course, you know me and work. We shall see how it goes. Journalism has always been something I wanted to do, but this particular company is a little unsteady. Still, we make the payments!! We'll be okay, especially once the wedding is over._

_Say hello to your friends for me, darling. You're not lonely without Rebecca, are you darling? I know you're good at making new friends, but…well…I worry anyway. Keep writing me back, please. I want to know about your life. I don't see you enough as it is._

_Petunia says hello, and I love you dearly,_

_Love,_

_Mum_

_PS: Lily, I…I know that you find your father easier to talk to than me. But darling, you know he just doesn't reply to letters, as much as we both want him to. I gave him your letter, though. I daresay it made him very happy. You can see him when you come home for the wedding, and I hope you can clear some things up with him and with yourself then. I just…well. I love you. I loved him as well, but right now want you to be happy. I know I'm repeating myself, and it sounds corny and much-too optimistic for you, but what I say is what I believe. And I believe in you because I love you. _

_XXX Mum _

Wrapping her fingers around the top of the standard Muggle-lined paper, Lily hesitated, then folded it up messily and stuffed it in her robe pocket for later. Her mother barely knew her – how could she tell Lily to be happy, and how could she dictate how to get there? Lily resolved to write a quick, brief letter back saying that she would be at the wedding a day before it started, mentally noting that she needed to affirm that with Dumbledore before she sent it via owl. Scribbling the return note in Charms, Lily mentioned her impending arrival to her mother, added several empty lines of absolutely nothing, and ended with an illegible "I love you and miss you both, Lily".

It all seemed terribly tragic all the sudden, and, not for the first time, Lily wished she could see her father again.

3.

"No, no, no – you've got it all wrong, Lily, the Wasps are _much _better than Ireland! Didn't your dad teach you _any_thing?"

Lily rolled her eyes and smiled a lie, her chest hurting. "My dad taught me that the Irish are the best, so yeah, I'd say he taught me something. Who likes the _Wasps_, anyway? Their colors are awful."

Benji shook his head at her and raise his hands dramatically to the sky, mouthing, "Why?" to nothing. "Evans, you are one crazy bird," he said instead. "Honestly, colors? What's wrong with yellow and black?"

"Green is better," said Lily. "Anyway, that wasn't my point. Ireland is just better. Not even just because they have green. _I _came from Ireland, you know."

"Aw, that explains it all, don't it," Benji teased, bumping her shoulder with his own. She grinned back before letting her gaze slip away.

"Let's go get a Butterbeer," she decided. "It's freezing. Can you feel that? It's freezing." Benji started to shrug off his cloak to give it to her, but Lily shook her head. "No, thank you though. Let's go back to the Three Broomsticks. Weren't you meeting Caradoc there anyway?"

He grinned at her, not thrown at all by her rejection of his cloak. "Yeah, but I like being here with you. Alone, I mean. Without Caradoc."

Lily knew girls that would melt with Benji's words, but she just raised an eyebrow. "On our non-date between friends, you want to be alone. On a non-date. As friends."

"Yes, alone on our non-date between friends," Benji repeated, a slight worry line crinkling the corners of his eyes and betraying his careless smile. Lily sighed.

"Benji –"

"No, Lily, it's okay. I didn't expect anything. I don't want – well, I sort of think…Actually, you know what, let's stop talking about this. The Three Broomsticks it is." Lily felt vaguely guilty as the urge to laugh at him bubbled in her stomach. She nodded and turned her head to hide the slight smile.

"Hey Benji?" she said as he opened the door for her. His light eyes caught her expression and held his nervous countenance at bay. "I _am _sorry. I'm just not good with these types of things, you know? But you've been awfully sweet today. You deserve a nice girl. I'm not a very nice girl, but you're still awfully sweet, and…well, you should be happy."

She had said the wrong thing. She knew it, as soon as he turned away and she beheld his stiff profile. "Thanks, Lily." Settling down in a vacant booth in The Three Broomsticks, he turned to her and tried, "So, how is Head Girl going for you? I don't think we've ever really talked about it."

"No, we haven't," Lily agreed. "It's going well, I suppose. Meetings are awful. I don't know if you've heard about them, but they're almost worse than last year."

"Really? I would have thought you and Potter could have livened them up. How _is_ Potter? Does that even work?"

Exasperated, Lily said, "Nice change of subject. Very smooth. We're okay, I guess."

"Just okay?" he pressed, and Lily scowled at him.

"What are you trying to do, get me to admit something? Honestly, we still argue a lot. But…I don't know. I think we're over that, finally, now. Time to start saving the world now, I suppose."

He laughed. "Lily, you were always going to save the world. It's good you're finally starting. You remember that time in fifth year? You were all ready to kick Potter's arse just to save a Slytherin some embarrassment."

"I'm glad I have some support, Ben. Next time I'm screaming at my counterpart or watching my—someone get abused I'll remember to find you and ask for you to stand somewhere nearby, waving a banner or something." Her words were light and airy and perfectly normal, and she was relieved when he grinned at her and said,

"I'll be there. Banner, posters, my wand ready to shoot some fireworks…Oy, speaking of. Potter!"

Lily's eyes fastened on the figure of the Head Boy and his best friends appearing though the crowded doorway of the bar. Benji beckoned them over, and Lily scooted to the far side of the booth to allow for some room. Benji stood up to sit next to her with Remus while James and Peter slid into the spots across the table. Sirius grabbed a chair and sat in it backwards – that seemed to be a habit with him – at the front of the table.

"So how're Quiddich practices going for you, Fenwick?" James asked to start the conversation, accepting his Butterbeer from the pretty barmaid with a flirty smile and a wink. "Because I promise that next time we won't be beaten so easily."

"Potter, we'll bag you every time, and you know it," Benji joked, leaning back and casually throwing his arm around Lily's shoulders.

"Shove off, Ben," she said, shrugging off his arm and sending him a glare. "James, which are better: the Wasps or Ireland?"

"Wasps," he and Sirius immediately recited.

"I like Ireland better," Peter said, and Lily had to lean over Benji to give him a high-five.

"Thank you! I agree. The Wasps are terrible! How can you blokes like them?"

James leaned forward and rapped his hand on the table between them, his eyes glinting. "Evans, do you even know what you're talking about, or is this a colors or mascot issue again? Because the Wasps are second in the League right now. Of course they're better."

"Told you so," Benji said, leaning into her and tweaking her nose.

"Stop touching me. What are trying to do, Benjamin? Besides, yellow and black together are terribly cliché. I was just telling Benji that. And I wasn't talking about skill-better (I don't know the first thing about that, you're right). I was saying better, in general. Ireland is much more spirited. Their chants are more fun."

"All right, that's fair, if you talk about chants," James said. "Wasps don't even have a proper chant. But otherwise…Evans, have you even seen Ireland play? Or the Wasps?"

"I don't follow Quiddich," said Lily.

"Then you don't really know what you're talking about," he said simply, and everyone at the table stiffened.

"He meant that politely, of course, Lily," Remus said quickly. Lily just tilted her head and examined James for a brief instant, waiting to feel the resentment.

"No, you're right. I don't know the first thing about Quiddich, that's completely true. But that doesn't stop me from having an opinion, James. It's an uneducated opinion, and an illogical one, but it's still an opinion. I judge off of colors, and because of affinity for Ireland in this particular case, and you judge off of skill. I don't really know what I'm talking about in the way you judge, it's true. But it shouldn't matter."

"You're right," James agreed, picking up his bottle of Butterbeer again and sipping. "Sorry. Hey, Moony? Pass me the serviettes?"

**(Everything from here on is new.)**

"Er, yeah. Here," Remus said uncertainly, passing him a stack of napkins.

"Hey Evans," said Sirius, ignoring the strange silence and downing his Butterbeer heartily. "You ever follow up on Lockhart?"

"Why would I?" Lily said. "He's a complete idiot."

"What do you mean, 'follow up'?" said James.

"Me and McKinnon decided that since he's _so_ dreamy and all that one of us should go to Hogsmeade with him," Lily drawled. "Or at least she did, and I sort of nodded along."

"Here's your chance, then," Benji said, elbowing her lightly and gesturing towards the other side of the room. "He's right there! Come on, Lily. Go and ask him out."

"You're so concerned about me asking, I'm beginning to wonder about you. Why don't you go and ask, Ben?" said Lily. "Merlin, he's stupid. Look at him!" Lockhart was currently leaning so far over the bar talking to Rosmerta the barmaid that his stool teetered precariously on a single leg. Sirius barked out a laugh and flicked his wand, flipping the stool over and sending Lockhart to the ground with a loud crash.

"Idiot," said Lily, glaring at Sirius and then the rest of the table, all of whom were laughing. She focused her gaze on Benji. "Actually, I changed my mind. I think I will go over and talk to him. See you later, Benjamin, whenever you feel grown up enough to talk."

"Aw, come on, Lily. We were just messing around!" Benji called to her, trying to stop her from pushing him out of the bench so she could get out. She managed to shove him just far back enough that she could climb over him.

Marching boldly to the bar, Lily said, "Hello," to a very red Gilderoy Lockhart. "Do you mind?" She gestured to the seat next to him, privately wondering if the pricking behind her ears was from someone watching her or her wanting to be watched.

"Of course not. Not at all. Sit, sit, please," he said, looking very pleased with the new arrangements. Lily fought not to roll her eyes. Why was she doing this again?

"So where's your date?" she asked, nodding to the other empty slot beside him. "You don't seem like the type of bloke to come alone to Hogsmeade."

"She, er…she had to leave early. Yes," Lockhart said, nodding confidently. "Rotten luck, I suppose, but there you go. Say, aren't you the Head Girl this year, Lillian?"

"It's Lily. Yes, I am."

"Yes, I thought so! Very nice. So tell me…how did you manage to get the job?"

Lily stared at him, trying to figure out if he meant to be insulting or if his superior tone was accidental. "I did my homework on time," she said flatly.

"Ah! Ah. Well. Was that the only thing to it, then? Just homework?" Lockhart said, looking disappointed. At her raised eyebrow, he hastened to explain himself. "Because if that was it, I'm wondering why you were chosen. I'm not trying to be rude, of course not!, but…well." He lowered his voice and leaned towards her conspiratorially. "With _You-Know-Who _here and everything you wouldn't expect Headmaster Dumbledore to pick someone – well, you know. _Of your blood_."

"Why else would he have picked me, do you think?" Lily said, too interested in hearing Lockhart's utterly oblivious opinions to be offended. He really was stupid, she thought.

"Why, probably because of your looks, of course!" Lockhart said, looking surprised at her need to ask. "Of course, red hair _is _rather conventional and out-of-style – just look at the models at _Witch Weekly _and you'll know what I'm talking about – but the rest of you is rather pretty. Say, do you reckon that since _you_ got picked, I could as well? I'm sure the modeling agency will just love that credential on my application. _Hogwarts Head Boy – Gilderoy Lockhart_. It has a ring to it, don't you think?"

"Yes, I rather think it does," Lily agreed. Merlin, this kid was an idiot. Head Boy? "Tell you what. You should go talk to James Potter about it. He's Head Boy right now, you know. I'm sure you two could share hair tips, and then he could tell you how he became Head Boy."

Lockhart fingered his neatly gelled hair doubtfully. "Hair tips? Do you really think? I always thought his hair was a bit messy, myself. Don't you think girls like a more _stylized _appearance? That's what I've heard. And it looks so much better."

"Well, yes, stylized can be good," Lily conceded. "But to tell you the truth, James' hair is much more of a turn-on for girls. You look very pretty, I admit, but James looks rugged. Your hair is too tame – what you want is accessibility, and a little bit of mystery. James looks like you can just walk up and have a conversation with him. And depending on his mood his hair makes him look either playful or dangerous. That's very sexy."

"Well…I suppose that makes sense," Lockhart agreed slowly. "Yes…yes, you're right. I think I will go and talk to him." Standing up and nodding decisively, he said, "Thank you very much for the help, Lillian," before making his way out the door, obviously not realizing James was in The Three Broomsticks right that that moment.

"Not a problem," she said. Smirking slightly, Lily stood up to leave. She didn't want to be there when James found out what she'd done.

"You get all you wanted?" Rosmerta said, coming towards Lily with a towel in her hand.

"Yes, thank you very much," Lily said.

"I hope that boy wasn't bothering you."

"Er, not at all," Lily said. "I found him rather amusing."

Rosmerta smiled. "His girl walked out on him ten minutes before you arrived. I was just glad when you showed up so he'd quite flirting with me."

"Oh really?" Lily said, fingering the edges of her scarf and waiting for a lull in the conversation so she could leave without being impolite. "That's too bad."

The lull came. "Well, I had better get serving those customers over there. Nice chatting with you, dearie. I'm glad he wasn't a problem."

"Of course. You as well," Lily said, wondering if Rosmerta was old enough to be calling her "dearie". Tugging her scarf around her more firmly, Lily fought her way to the door through the crowd. When she reached the front, she briefly turned around to see if Benji was still there. He wasn't, and she ended up making her way back to the castle alone.

-

For those of you who didn't read the excerpt I added in chapter one, that is why this sentence doesn't make sense to you.

Something that few people know and even I don't accept, although I follow it bemusedly: I guess in proper English "already" isn't really a word – which is why I've been spelling it out "all ready." (For those of you who noticed.)


	4. Chapter Four

ONE LAST CHANCE TO SHINE

In which Sirius is neither nonsensical nor giggly, Lily does not have a group of friends all named Mary Sue, James doesn't magically grow up over the summer, Peter speaks, and Voldemort hasn't gone on a brief holiday.

_All recognizable characters and events from this chapter onward belong to JK Rowling._

FOUR

1.

"You know…your mate is very inspirational."

Remus Lupin looked up in surprise at Lily's words, momentarily pulled out of his dutiful calculations for Arithmancy. "Sorry, what? You think James is inspirational?"

Lily shrugged offhandedly. "Yes, rather. Why is that weird? You look like you don't believe me."

"Well. You always argue with him," Remus said, his face screwed up in a way that suggested he was trying to work something out in his head.

"That doesn't mean I can't think he's inspirational. He's got the whole emotion thing going for him, you know? He can convince you by talking, not just by presenting facts in an outline." Lily paused, her quill stopped momentarily in the air, before she shrugged. "Inspirational."

"What, er…what made you realize that?" said Remus, still very confused.

"I dunno. You-Know-Who. The Prefect meetings. Dumbledore. A bunch of things, really."

"I'm not quite sure how those things all fit in, but okay," Remus said slowly. "Does that mean you're getting along better now?"

"What, he hasn't mentioned anything?" Lily would have thought that James, being so obviously attached to his band of friends, would have informed them about everything going on in his life, including his relationship with her. Apparently not. "Hm. Well yes, I'd say we're doing pretty well. Wouldn't you?"

"I dunno. Saturday was a bit strange."

"Saturday…what happened – oh. You mean Hogsmeade? What was strange about that?" Lily tried to remember if she and James had gotten into a particularly evident argument.

"Well…the Quiddich argument was very odd. And then you skipped out early."

"That got solved really fast – I would have thought that that was a good thing. And I left early for a few reasons, not any of them particularly dealing with James." Lily thought of something and smoothed 

away a smile. "This is going to sound random, Remus, but has James by any chance been approached by Gilderoy Lockhart?"

Remus looked more confused than ever. "Er, no. Not that I can think of. Why?"

"Never mind. I'll ask him later. Have you done number twenty-four yet? I can't figure out what you do after you configure the letters to standard mode."

"Look, you move that there…yes, like that…and then use the Epskott formula to configure them to – yeah, like that. Now look it up. Why, what did you say to Lockhart?"

"Nothing. How did you get that? We haven't gone over it in class yet I thought. Don't look at me like that, Remus. It's not anything bad. Gilderoy just said that he was thinking about trying for Head Boy, so I said he should go talk to James about it. It was all very innocent."

"He wants to become Head Boy? And you told him to talk to James about it?" Remus looked as though he didn't know whether to laugh or groan. "James is going to kill you. Are you sure that's all you said?"

"Yes, positive. Come on, Lupin. Give me a break. And tell me how you figured this one out – I want to be able to do tonight's homework without needing help."

"That might be difficult. I had to ask for help from Professor Vector. Are you sure?"

"Sure about what?" Lily said, completely tired of the conversation. She should never have brought it up; Remus was too shrewd to see through her on a simple thing like this. "Yes, I'm sure. Merlin. Cut me some slack, okay? That's all I said to him."

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said, and she thought he looked embarrassed and mostly genuine before she heard his next words. "I didn't mean to interrogate you. You were just over there for an awful long time to talk about him being the Head Boy."

Lily turned fully in her seat to scowl at him. "You know what? I'm tired of this. You said you're sorry but in the same sentence you basically re-said the fact that I'm lying. What is your problem, Lupin? It's not a big deal, chatting with Lockhart. Just back off."

There was a brief silence before Remus said, "Right. You're right. I'm sorry."

Lily released a breath and glared at him one more time before going back to her parchment. "Thank you," she said, not quite sincerely. Several minutes later, bored of the silence, she began again. "What's so bad about Lockhart, anyway? I mean, he's an idiot, but I can't see anything bad about him other than that."

Remus looked at her with an uncomfortably intense expression. She fought the urge to lower her eyes or back down – she hadn't even done anything wrong! – but only when Remus' eyes flicked back to his paper did she allow herself to relax and lower her stiff shoulders.

"You called him Gilderoy just a minute ago," he observed calmly. "I thought you were very friendly with him?"

"No. No, no. He's just a fifth year," said Lily decisively, then paused. Meeting his faltering gaze squarely, Lily said, "Why? What's it to you?" Remus made no reply, and she sighed. "Look, Remus, I don't know if you know how I work, but I don't go steady with blokes. I can't remember the last time I fancied someone. Lockhart isn't the type of bloke I'd go for anyway, and I don't like anyone in our year either. I hope you know that."

"I do know. I think every bloke in our year does, and below us as well. You've made yourself quite clear, Lily." His voice, she was relieved to hear, was completely normal: calm, with a barely perceptible tinge of interest beneath it. She didn't want another Benji to deal with.

"You know…" Sirius Black shocked Lily out of her (obviously false) sense of security. She had completely forgotten he was in this class – normally he was on the other side of the room, showing off to a group of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls while Lily and Remus did proper work. "There's always a reason that decisions like that develop, Lily."

Lily stared at him in confusion. "What on earth are you talking about?" she said, hoping the nervous jump in her stomach was from something other than what she thought it was. "Decisions? What are you on, Black?"

Dark eyes and dark hair – much more rugged and mysterious than James Potter's, she noted – tilted with Sirius' face as he regarded her with barely-disguised amusement. "Lots of things, none of which you'd particularly approve of. Anyway…decisions like deciding not to fancy a bloke, or go steady with him. Things like that come from bad experiences. What bad experience have you had, Lily?"

A cold lump settled in the pit of her stomach. "None, Black. Think for yourself – I've been like this from the beginning. Nothing's ever thrown me off."

His eyes, cool grey and far too close to her own, narrowed at her. She kept an impudent grin on her face, nerves twitching in her arms and legs, and never let the slightly-inquisitive expression fall from her features.

"Really? Then it must be personal experience from home."

"It's not. But how about you drop it now, Black," Lily suggested, going back to her parchment with blank eyes. "I have problems at home like everyone else, but those aren't them. The relationship between my parents—is perfectly fine, and I really don't appreciate the psych therapy I'm getting right now. If I wanted it I'd have a shrink."

"_Is_ perfectly fine, Lily?" said Black, and something in his voice drew Lily's eyes back up. "You didn't say 'is' right away. You were going to say 'was.'"

"I was not. Stop digging, Black," said Lily. Remus had settled back in his chair and was staring intently between them. She didn't know why, but she did know she wanted the class to be over. "Honestly, you're awfully annoying. Why do you spend time with him, Remus?" Seeing Remus' intense gaze focus again on her, her eyes retreated back to the desk and she said, "Never mind. I know. You both like making people feel uncomfortable for stupid, preconceived, _wrong _reasons. Are all of you blokes like that? Because you sure seem good at it. You, Remus, James. Benjamin. Henry Griffin. Is Peter hiding something? Caradoc? Lockhart? Scott?" She was babbling; she couldn't stop. Hell, why wasn't the bell _ringing_?

"Ladies and gentlemen, back to your seats. We'll go over any questions now," Professor Vector said, staring pointedly at Sirius, the only one still standing up. Lily's shoulders relaxed unnoticeably. Remus leaned towards her and said, voice soft,

"Sirius is very good at noticing things like that. And…not to seem foreboding, Lily, but he's usually not wrong." Lily glared at him.

"Er, hello. Didn't you hear me say I didn't need a shrink? Merlin, Lupin. Do you honestly think whatever dating habits I have have to do with my parents? That's not a logical assumption. At all. Now stop talking to me – I need to hear this."

For the rest of the class – an uncomfortable fifteen minutes – Lily could feel two sets of eyes on her: one from the quiet boy beside her, and another from the dark pair of brooding, experienced eyes of Sirius Black. And even though she had decided to avoid Benji Fenwick to give him that needed "friends" space, Lily found herself wishing his company: at least Benji didn't walk around asking uncomfortable questions that hit far too close to home then she wanted.

2.

_What a long day_, Lily's over-processed mind sighed as she finally allowed herself to fall into the cushions of an abandoned couch in the Gryffindor common room later that night. She rarely sat here anymore, spending more time in her empty dorm or in the library, but tonight definitely seemed suitable for the occasion. Glancing at the timepiece over the fireplace by her left, Lily frowned. Eleven o'clock. That explained the near-emptiness of the common room, save a duo of fifth-years that seemed to be frantically finishing up a Herbology essay.

Shifting her arms a bit so her head could flop down over them, Lily closed her eyes, feeling the heavy weight of Monday night settle down on her in a wave of killed enthusiasm. She should probably go to sleep, Lily reflected thoughtfully; after all, there would be plenty of late nights coming up the rest of the week. She couldn't bring herself to move.

"Lily? What are you still doing down here?"

Alice Elliot's voice cut into Lily's idle thoughts and motivated her to prop her head on her elbow just slightly enough to study the other girl's expression. "Nothing in particular," Lily said. "What about you? Did you just get in?"

Alice nodded. "Yeah, I had to run to the Owlery really fast to send a letter to Frank. I hope it gets there by morning." She looked briefly miserable, but suddenly cheered up considerably. "Oh! Did I tell you he was coming to visit me next time we get a Hogsmeade trip? He couldn't make it to the last one – they had a mission, or something – but he's definitely coming next time. He said to owl him when I know the date."

"That's really great, Alice," said Lily, neglecting to mention that the next Hogsmeade visit wasn't for probably a month, a few weeks before Christmas. "How long has it been since you've seen him? September?"

"Yes…I really miss him," Alice confessed, looking like the stereotypical girlfriend waiting for her soldier to come home. Lily thought the whole image was rather intermittent and trite, but she wasn't about to tell Alice – pretty, hopeful, optimistic Alice – that she thought her relationship wouldn't last.

"I'm positive he feels the same way," Lily said instead, feeling like she was still telling the truth (if that mattered). Frank Longbottom was a girly sort of man – the type that actually committed, and stayed with his partner for reasons other than physical inclinations. Alice was very lucky to have found him; Lily doubted that many of Frank Longbottom's sort existed pre-forty years old.

"He sends me the sweetest letters," Alice agreed happily, sitting down on the couch next to Lily and folding her legs beneath her. "The other day he was telling me about…well. You probably don't actually want to hear it; it's a very long story. But he is very sweet."

"How are things with his mother going?" Lily said. Anyone who had gone to school with Frank knew of his mother – tall, formidable, and very, very proper. Her favorite vulture hat, something she'd taken to wearing somewhere around Lily's third year, was so horribly fashioned most students were certain that it came from America.

"Well…she's rather scary still," Alice allowed, tucking a strand of bright hair behind her ear. "But basically she's a very good woman. I had such a hard time seeing it at first – nobody could ever be enough for Frank, in her opinion – but she stands up a lot for Muggles and Muggleborns. And she donates money all the time to a lot of different organizations that go against You-Know-Who. She's very commendable."

"Still having troubles then?" Lily discerned. Alice laughed embarrassedly.

"Er, yeah. When I say that she thinks no one could ever be enough for Frank, I include myself in that. She…well. She hasn't directly forbid him from seeing me, but she's been trying to change his mind ever since he asked me to marry him."

"That…really sucks," Lily said. "I don't know how you manage."

"Well, it's not like I see her all the time. And Frank _more _than makes up for her awfulness," Alice laughed, the glow in her cheeks returning. She turned directly to Lily then, both girls sitting with their legs drawn up on the couch, leaning back on the armrests comfortably while the fire crackled comfortably in front of them. "It feels like such a long time since we've talked, Lily. This is rather fun. Don't you think?"

Almost against her will, a smile upturned the corners of Lily's mouth. "Yeah, actually," she said, inwardly surprised by her answer. "It is nice. I'm sorry I've been so distant lately, Alice. It's just that…well. I don't actually have much of an excuse, really. Not any that would make sense."

Alice smiled and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "_I _know why," she said playfully. "It's because you have a harem of blokes after your attention. Who has time for girlfriends when you've got so much nicer prospects? Who's the newest one – Benji Fenwick, right? He's cute."

"He is cute," Lily agreed. "But we're not involved. At all. And who says I have a harem?"

"Come on, Lily – James Potter, Henry Griffin, Benji – they're all practically pining after you," Alice said, looking surprised. "And I thought you went to Hogsmeade with Benji?"

Lily couldn't stop the derisive laugh ripping from her throat. "Ha – James Potter, pining after me? Don't be ridiculous. Benji…well, Benji's sort of an odd case. I did go to Hogsmeade with him, but only as friends. And I told him that, so don't give me the speech!" Alice, like Frank, had always been committed to all her relationships, and never did understand how Lily – or any other girl, for that matter – could be anything but like that. Lily had on more than one occasion been subjected to "the speech", and she was in no mood for it now – she was seventeen, for Merlin's sake.

"If you told him that's all right, I suppose," Alice conceded. "And you're probably right, James Potter is too much of a man to pine. He just wishes, in private."

"Funny. Say, didn't you hear about his girlfriend? Sirius Black mentioned her a few times. It sounds awfully weird – I've never seen James with a girl this year, have you?"

"No, I didn't know he had a girlfriend," Alice said. "How odd. I never pictured him as the type of bloke to hang around for a long time with a single girl – of course, that would be completely adorable, because he's so handsome, but still – I've never pictured him like that. He always reminded me more of you."

"Why me?" said Lily, though she thought she all ready knew the answer.

"Well, you both hardly ever commit to a single person. When was the last time you had a boyfriend, Lily? And I'm not counting random dates to Hogsmeade with friends, like with Benji."

Lily narrowed her eyes and then thought a little. "I could have sworn I've heard that before. Er, I dunno, never? Well, there was that one time in third year. Who was that kid? I can picture his face, just not his name. Oh! Davies. Kevin. I'd forgotten all about him!"

"How could you have forgotten _Kevin Davies_?" Alice said incredulously. "Gosh, that boy is practically Ravenclaw's bread and butter! Quiddich Chaser, Transfiguration whiz-kid – plus he's cute."

The corner of Lily's mouth turned up. "Er, no. He's okay. _You _haven't snogged him – bloody idiot's _completely _sloppy with his tongue. Practically washed my face with it."

"Eww," Alice said. "That's disgusting, Lily. Don't be so graphic. Anyway, he was what – thirteen? – then. We're seventh yearsnow! Plenty of time for improvement."

Lily smiled again and shook her head. "No. I'm not looking for that, right now. All I want out of my seventh year is to finish strong, not go crazy. I don't want a bloke distracting me."

"You're no fun, Lily," Alice sighed, not looking put out in the least. "But really, if you don't like Davies, his friend Donavan –"

Lily's smile tightened a bit, and she was reminded why, precisely, she spent most of her time with blokes. "Alice, no, okay? I'm sorry, I'm just…not in the mood for this conversation. It is what it is. Okay?"

Alice nodded, blonde locks rippling across blushing cheeks, and apologized. Lily thought she looked like such a typical girl then – neatly pressed uniform, bouncy curls, eager, wide eyes – that she almost threw up. And then she remembered Alice at the beginning of the term, dark and thoughtful and somehow still very hopeful, and she tried to decide which one she liked better.

"It's – it's all right. I'm sorry, I've just had a really long day. Sirius Black was getting on my nerves." The excuse for yet another outburst sounded feeble even in her ears.

"No, it's okay. I shouldn't have pressed it – I just – well. It's so easy to forget the world with all the teenage anomalies, isn't it? I mean, I can pretend Frank isn't always in danger and forget that his mother might convince him to not marry me. We can ignore the fact that we're both Muggleborns and will probably be the first to die, if anyone does. You can forget – well, I don't know what you want to forget. It seems to me like you don't. You never talk about anything any more, so I think something must have happened…anyway. I'm sorry to be nosy, I'm just…trying to say I understand. Do you understand, Lily? What I'm saying, I mean. I know you get all the other stuff."'

Lily felt shocked by Alice's words, more so even than the abrupt change in the atmosphere of their conversation. Her memories rushed back to that first day of school, when Professor Dumbledore called her and James to his office and talked about You-Know-Who, mentioning that Alice was among the top in their year. "I…do understand, Alice," she said, voice softer than it had been a long time; and, unexpectedly, without any thought or real reasoning, she hugged Alice; the typical, bubbly girl who had somehow voiced everything Lily felt in a few short moments better than anything Lily had ever attempted herself.

"I…okay, Lily," said Alice, and she hugged Lily back, wrapping comforting arms around the other girl's thin white frame. Lily drew away too quickly for it to be considered intimate, but Alice appeared not to be bothered. "See? Sometimes you need some sort of girly moment to get you back in track," she said.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well. I don't know about that. I think I still prefer my harem – most of them are a bit oblivious, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah…I know," said Alice, meeting her gaze.

Time for bed, Lily thought; she'd had far too many revelations and close-calls today for another one. Hoisting herself from the couch with two hands, she stretched her arms out into empty space and said, "I dunno about you, but I'm going to go to bed now. Might as well get one full night of sleep this week."

"All right…good night," said Alice, leaning back and drawing a loose cushion in her arms. "I think I'll stay here for a little while."

"All right. And, Alice…" Lily said, stopping at the foot of the stairs to the girls' dormitory. The blonde turned to face her – uniform still pressed, hair still curly, eyes still blue – and Lily said sincerely, "Thanks. We'll have to chat again sometime." She doubted she would ever confide totally in Alice, but the thought teased her with its loveliness, and it was nice, for once, to believe in a vision.

"Definitely. We have to. G'night, Lily."

3.

"Hey, Evans. You're looking very studious this morning."

Just as it had the day before, Sirius Black's voice shocked Lily out of a state of ease, this time right before Charms class began.

"Hey, Black. You're looking very pleased this morning. What's with the big grin? Found your true love in a broom closet?"

To her discomfort, he laughed and slid into the vacant chair next to her. "Nah. Broom closets aren't classy at all, Evans. I prefer storage cupboards. Much more room."

"Er, wonderful. I'm…trying to work out why I needed to know that, but okay," said Lily. "Why are you sitting here? You normally sit over there." She waved her hand vaguely towards the back of the room, farthest from Professor Flitwick's lecturing stand.

"You're a pretty bird, I'm a hot bloke, what's wrong with sitting up here?" Sirius said, dark eyes twinkling annoyingly at her. She felt like growling.

"Because, Black, while I _am _a pretty bird and you _are _a pretty hot bloke, you're also annoying."

"Ah-ha – see, Evans, I told you I'd get a confession out of you!" said Sirius, ignoring her previous command and taking out his books and spreading them on the table.

"Confession?" said Lily, utterly confused.

"Yes. About how attractive you really think I am."

Lily had to think for a long time before she realized what he was talking about. "Oh – you're still on about that conversation between me and Marlene, aren't you? Merlin, that was _ages _ago. Do you really value your looks that much? Because that's kind of shallow."

"I am shallow," Sirius agreed, stretching his legs out in front of them and offering her a sexy smile, to which she raised an eyebrow at. "But hey, at least I admit it."

"Great," Lily muttered. "Oh look. There are your mates. Go and talk to them."

"Nah…I spend most of my time with them anyway," said Sirius, and now she knew he was trying to aggravate her. "I spend hardly any time with _you_, though. Thought we should fix that."

"During the time when we're supposed to be paying attention?" Lily said pointedly, and he shrugged.

"I all ready know this stuff. And if I all ready know it, you all ready know it. Come on, Evans. Let's chat. What's your favorite color?"

Lily felt like groaning. Flitwick hadn't even started class yet and all ready she could feel her interest of Charms waning. A talk with Sirius Black? Very irritating, but infinitely more interesting. He was right; she did know the material they were supposed to be going over that day. That didn't stop her from wanting to hex him, though.

"Purple," he said, and she looked up at him, confused, to see a pair of grey eyes smirking at her.

"What?"

"Your favorite color. Is it purple?"

Lily didn't know whether to laugh or groan. "Er, no. I rather like orange."

"Orange?" Sirius looked surprised for a bare moment. "Girls never like orange. It's a nasty color."

"It is not," Lily scoffed. "How can anything made of red and yellow be nasty? Besides, I know plenty of girls who like orange."

"They do not. Look – McKinnon! D'you like the color orange?"

Marlene, having just walked through the door, screwed up her face in thought and nodded. "Yeah, it's all right. I like it. Sirius Black, why are you in my seat? You're in my seat."

"I am in your seat," Sirius acknowledged, making no attempt to move.

"Told you so," said Lily. "Marlene, come kick him out."

"Go sit with James, McKinnon. He's looking pretty lonely over there," Sirius suggested. He draped an arm over the back of Lily's chair and tossed the other girl a smile.

"You just want to bug Lily," said Marlene. And then – "All right. I'll go sit with James."

"Excellent," grinned Sirius, turning to Lily and holding his hand up for a high-five. She glared at it.

"Thank you, McKinnon," she said, but the other girl was all ready too far away to hear her. "So. Black. What other completely obtrusive and stupid questions do you have for me today?"

He smiled lazily at her. "Are you always so suspicious, Evans, or is that a learned behavior?" She smiled sweetly.

"Probably learned. That's what happens when stupid blokes like you come and ask idiotic questions."

"Touché," he grinned, eyeing her up and down cockily. "Okay, how about this: which are better, boxers or briefs?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Well, Black, that depends on what's underneath." Sirius looked shocked at her answer, and she fought back a smile as she added coolly, "In other words, the exact opposite of whatever you're wearing."

To her annoyance, Sirius laughed appreciatively and, ignoring the fact that Flitwick was teaching at the front of the room, turned around and called to James, "Oy, Prongs. Seems like pretty Evans here has a few secrets!" Lily shrugged and rolled her eyes in the universal "don't look at me, he's crazy" signal to James and several other students whom had listened in on Sirius' announcement before turning back and slapping Sirius on the head.

"Shut up!" she said. "I'm the Head Girl. I'm supposed to be paying attention in class. You're making me look like – well, like a _you._"

Sirius rubbed his head, laughing. "Flitwick didn't even notice, look. Personally, _I _find it funny how you didn't deny the 'secrets' comment."

"Everyone has secrets, Sirius," Lily said patronizingly. She met his interested eyes with a twisted grin. "But don't even bother thinking I've slept around. I'm too much of a prude for that, anyone could've told you."

"Hm. Not a prude, Evans, just an…unexplored chart of territory." When she looked back at him, expecting a flirty grin or some sort of smirk, she was surprised to see a genuine smile, and equally shocked at his next change of subject. "We," he said, leaning forward into her personal space and tapping her nose with his quill, "should get to know each other, Evans."

"I don't go out on dates, Sirius. You were there when I said the exact same thing to Remus yesterday; did you forget so quickly?" In recounting yesterday's conversation Lily found it suddenly odd that both boys, friends as they were, had to be told the same thing. Wasn't there generally a hands-off rule for blokes when it came to girls?

Sirius shook his head. "No, not on a date. Not on a non-date between friends, either. Just in a regular discussion, between classmates. That work for you?"

"Have you been listening in to my conversations?" demanded Lily. "Because I swear, Black –"

"Evans, I'm pretty sure _everyone _heard you say that to Fenwick," Sirius said bluntly. "You were only THIS LOUD." Once again Lily had to shush him, glancing fervently at the still-speaking professor.

"I…I did not," she said lamely, feeling vaguely bad. Poor Benjamin. She knew how the competition went between blokes, and doubted very little that he'd gotten teased for accepting her demands. Not only that and she had walked out on him…eh. Poor Benjamin. Maybe she should speak to him.

"Yes, you did, but that's not the point. The point is, Evans, _you're _sitting with me at dinner."

"What? Black, don't be ridiculous. Besides, we haven't even had lunch yet –"

"Fine. _You're _sitting with me at lunch."

Bewildered, Lily asked, "Why? Because you and Remus want to gang up on me? Because I have the Potions notes? Because my teeth are straight? We've never sat together before, Sirius. I don't understand where this is coming from."

Sirius smiled at her, again with a confusing air of sincerity. Blokes weren't like this – what was Black doing? "It's our seventh year, Evans. Last year for everything – pranks, birds, _new friends_ – come on, live a little. I'll probably never see you again after Hogwarts. We might as well make use of the time now, yeah?"

Unable to find an immediate counter to his logic, Lily sighed and pushed back her hair. Seventh year – it was finally starting to settle on her fully. Last year for homework, studying, classes – after this year she would be considered a full witch, no longer Muggle. She wouldn't need her family anymore. Memories of her father, Rebecca, and her mother's troubles would all become just that – memories – lost to the wind of reality and the future. What could have been would be over. No more feeling, no more uncertainty.

Suddenly, Lily wanted seventh year to be over right then.

"I'm busy during lunch, and dinner," she informed Sirius, and sank deeper into her chair to take more useless notes.

4.

_Dear Dad,_

_Several things have occurred to me over the past several days. Most of the thoughts were caused by blokes, which is weird in itself. Weren't you always saying they're all one-dimensional at this age? Maybe you were just saying that because I was twelve then. Or maybe blokes now are growing up faster, if that's even possible. I suppose war does that to people._

_Anyway, one of the things I realized was how bloody intuitive Sirius Black is. He's the most confusing person I've ever met, and I know a lot of people. He's so…I don't know, Daddy. I don't fancy him or anything, but I find him completely fascinating. Some of the things he says I just have to wonder where he gets them. It's like…well, this will sound stupid, but it's like he knows what's going on inside my head. I hate that feeling. Or maybe I like it? This will sound odder and stupider still, but I think, now, that I actually like it. It's nice thinking that someone understands you, even just a little bit. It's just…very weird that Sirius Black understands me. Did I ever tell you about him? He's very good-looking; definitely a charmer. He's got a pretty __black__ (haha) past though, from what I hear. Family troubles, or something? I don't know. Maybe…maybe that's how he knows. ?_

_James Potter is another weird thing. Or maybe not weird, just…different. Something that's changed since my last letter, which was actually quite a while ago. (Sorry.) Anyway, James and I finally got sorted out. You know how I was complaining and everything in the last letter? Yeah. Well…I sort of changed my mind. He's not bad, at all, to work with. After the last meeting we had this talk. It was very ...I don't know, I suppose the only way to describe it is "revealing." I decided that I really admire him a lot, Dad. You know about those captains you said you had in the war? The ones you said were actually good, the inspiring ones? He's like…he's like a mini-Churchill, Daddy. I mean…well, his ego would get positively __huge__ if he heard me say that (after he worked out who Churchill was, of course) but I've realized that he's got a really incredible way with words. You know how I said about Alice? How she's going to fight? I think…well, I want to fight as well. And it feels like James knows where he's going. This probably doesn't make any sense at all to you. You didn't hear him, though. He's passionate. I barely know him, but he's passionate._

_Actually, I think it's a thing with James Potter and his mates, because Remus Lupin – James' and Sirius' best friend – is the other strange thing. I know, I know. Doesn't it sound like a conspiracy? Anyway, he's just been making me think a lot. Him and Alice Elliot – yeah, that same girl you used to make fun of at the train station for her pigtails. They all….I can't explain it. All I know is that I've felt completely nostalgic over the last few days, which is why I'm writing this letter, I suppose. Escape that reality we love so much, right, Dad?? I still don't know how you could marry Mum. You're so different. She – well, I'm not getting into it now. It's sort of useless anyway. Dunno how I even got there…_

_You know, after this year I won't be anything Muggle anymore, except maybe Muggleborn. I'll be a witch. No more microwaves or TV or mass. Is that what you wanted?_

_I miss your voice still. I am coming back to Mum's for Petunia's wedding in a week. I'll visit you, okay? Not like… never mind._

_Love from, Lily_

_PS – A girl's parents died the other day, from this new Dark Lord, I think. I can't stop thinking about her._

–


	5. Chapter Five

**Somewhat-Important A/N:**

**Everyone here has presumably read a number of LJ fics, so most of you probably have some idea of what will happen in the plot. What I challenge you to do, then, is to ignore those presumptions for a bit and just read my story. Forget all the preconceived notions you have from other readings. Just go off the words right in front of you. I promise it will make reading more enjoyable if you don't constantly expect specific character developments and outcomes.**

**(Thank you, by the way, for all the support thus far. I know I am an awful updater, but that doesn't stop me from loving all your reviews. Na-f, you made me feel intelligent. :D)**

ONE LAST CHANCE TO SHINE

In which Sirius is neither nonsensical nor giggly, Lily does not have a group of friends all named Mary Sue, James doesn't magically grow up over the summer, Peter speaks, and Voldemort hasn't gone on a brief holiday.

_All recognizable characters and events from this chapter onward belong to JK Rowling._

FIVE

1.

"Sorry I'm late," Lily apologized, running a hand through wayward hair before dropping a smile on James and sitting across from him in the library.

"Not a problem," he replied, eyes scanning her mussed appearance almost imperceptibly. He didn't ask for an explanation, and she didn't offer one. Falling asleep on her bed, though hardly illicit or even interesting, was hardly any business of his. "I just got here as well. Practice ran a bit late."

Lily nodded and sat back a little further in her chair. Pulling out a formidable stack of parchment, she plopped the papers in between them and said brightly, "Well? Ready to start?"

He eyed the parchment and then looked back at her, grinning. "Of course, Evans. What kind of Head Boy would I be if I didn't love extra work?"

"Certainly not _my _Head Boy," she said, splitting the papers in half and hefting the left side over to him. "There. I think…all we have to do is write up these reports, and then we're done. _Bollocks_! This is a lot."

"I'll race you," James teased, accepting his half and winking. "First to finish buys the other a Butterbeer."

"Good idea," said Lily. "Then we'll get them all done in about ten minutes and turn them into McGonagall nice and sloppy."

"You're catching on, Evans," said James, but even as he spoke his quill scratching across the page was steady and neat. "We'll make a rebel out of you yet."

"Well, you're hardly one to say that," Lily noted absentmindedly, her own eyes scanning across the front page in her stack and missing his incredulous stare. "You haven't done anything bad this year. Seems like you lost your touch."

"Naw, I was just trying to impress you," James said, and she shook her head amusedly.

"Funny."

"Well…it seems useless to play games when wizards like Voldemort are out there cursing the living daylights out of Muggles and Muggleborns."

Lily let the silence blanket her thoughts for a moment before her head slid up to meet his waiting gaze. "That's a noble sentiment," she said, and then, to lighten things up, she added, "It's hard to believe it stopped years' worth of accepted juvenility, though."

He chuckled and leaned forward. "Nothing can take _that _away, Evans."

"I would have to agree with that statement. What's the worst thing you've done, do you think?" Lily mused, dipping her quill into the ink to start on a fresh line. Poor Louise Burchard – subject of this particular Prefect evaluation report – was getting none of her attention.

"Er…" James tilted his head to the side, contemplating her question. "Worst as in the actual prank, or worst as in the punishment?"

Lily didn't question that there were two separate categories. Playing it safe, she said, "Punishment-worst."

A smile cracked open his face, the smallest dimple appearing on the right corner of his mouth. "Right…well…how about this: So this summer my parents took me and Sirius to Italy for a few weeks and ended up leaving us alone in the Muggle part of Rome nearly every day."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah, I know. I would've thought they'd know us by then, but anyway. Anyway, one day we found this really tall building with towers on it – sort of like Hogwarts. Only a load of Muggles were going in an out of it, mostly in. So we went in and sat down on one of the benches by the door, and after a while we got bored listening to the bloke in the front making a speech and started to look around. There were a load of weird vases and statues and lights and it smelled like the inside of the Divination classroom, only ten times worse –"

"Oh no," said Lily, suddenly realizing what place he was talking about.

"So then," James continued, his eyes brightening, "Sirius thought it'd be funny to Transfigure the queer people in the colored windows so they'd move around – you know, like the Hogwarts portraits."

"You didn't," Lily said, eyes narrowed and disbelieving as she leaned forward on the table, face propped up by her elbows.

James looked over at her, eyes grinning. "Yeah, we did. We didn't know it was a church, did we? Just thought it'd be a bit of fun to charm the windows when they weren't looking. 'Course, when everyone started running around blaming this bloke Satan we got the hell out of there. Nearly pissed ourselves laughing, it was so funny…" his eyes misted over and Lily had to bite her cheek to keep from laughing.

"That was a really terrible idea, you know," she reprimanded half-heartedly. "You could have been seen! Were you even of age, yet?"

"Yeah. Sirius had just turned seventeen; I'd all ready been of age for a few months. It was his idea, anyway." James looked supremely undisturbed by her doubtful expression.

"I suppose that makes it all better, then," Lily sighed, and when he looked at her, the spark in his hazel eyes almost made her smile.

"Nah, but it makes it easier when I was explaining it to my mum," he said. Lily snorted.

"Worst punishment, you said. What'd she make you do?"

He grinned. "Not much, really – though definitely more than usual. She gave up around forth year; even told Dumbledore to tell McGonagall to stop sending letters home informing her of my misbehavior," James said. "Mum told Dumbledore that unless I'd killed someone or set the castle on fire not to bother, because she would always give me the same punishment anyway."

"What's that?" said Lily. "Same thing she made you do for the moving saints?"

James smirked again with the mention of the church. "Yeah. Only the window people got me twice as long. I had to make dinner and clean up after _the Muggle way _for nearly two months – for the rest of the summer. Usually I do the same thing, only for a few weeks, right after I get back from school."

Lily had to raise her eyebrow at this. "Really? Is that a normal way for a Pureblood family to punish children?"

"Er, I dunno," he said, shrugging. "I don't think so. My mum's all for learning how to do all that pansy stuff I apparently need to know when I'm on my own. She always lectures me to say how it prepares me and builds character." He shook his head and chuckled. "_I_ just think she gets a kick out of watching me suffer."

Lily smiled. "She sounds very nice."

"I dunno if I'd use 'nice' to describe her," said James slowly, leaning a bit backward on his chair. Lily idly observed the rise of his black eyebrows and the way the corners of his mouth quirked upwards when he talked about his mother. "She's really…I dunno. Loud. Always yelling about something or another, 'specially at my dad. He just laughs at her, though. I don't fight with my dad – just my mom." His smile tilted the corners of his mouth further up, and bright eyes caught her in a warm expression. "I usually lose," he said, and Lily thought he looked absurdly pleased for having just said he regularly lost arguments with his mother.

"She doesn't sound anything _my _mum," she said definitively, and then crinkled her forehead, inwardly surprised at her own audacity to share. Seeing his furrowed brow and the light of his eyes fastened carefully on her, inquiring enough to make her uncomfortable, she felt the ironic urge to continue. "She's a complete nutter – very romantic, very idealistic, so that she ignores every problem that ever comes up. And she doesn't ever yell – she's very pacifistic. I hate that – she never even tries to work for something. My dad is totally different."

James folded an arm behind his head, spinning his wand in his unoccupied hand and sending sparks flying casually across the table into the shape of a dragon. "Do you not like romance, then? I thought that was something all girls liked."

Feeling an odd clash of disappointment and relief with the subtle tangent, Lily smiled sardonically. "No, I hate it. Why bother lying to yourself when you'll just be disappointed when reality finally comes along? It doesn't make sense to me."

He measured her with his gaze, tilting his head slightly. "Yeah, I guess – if you want to be a miserable cow all the time. Or you can look at it this way: why bother living in a place where you're always doubting anything good, because you think that everything always turns out for the worse? You don't have to be completely optimistic to be able to enjoy things. You don't always have to be completely realistic to get a handle on them, either. Don't you dream, Evans?"

Her hand ran through her hair, pausing at the nape of her neck, and she considered his words, deciding not to be offended with the "miserable cow" line. "Logically, I suppose," she began hesitantly, "that makes a lot of sense. But I don't think like that. I'm very cynical, and as odd as it sounds, I like being that way. I can pretend that I know to a degree what the world is like, and that I can prepare myself for it." Lily suddenly realized that she hadn't had such an in-depth conversation, one where the other person actually questioned her principles rather than merely nodded blandly, for years. She couldn't decide if she liked it or not yet, but she rather suspected she did.

"I can understand that. I disagree, but I understand," James said, voice deep and too serious for a boy of seventeen. She believed him.

Clearing her throat slightly, Lily bent down, looking at the stack of parchment before her that and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She had nearly forgotten about the whole reason she and James had gone to the library together in the first place – and it was not, contrary to their actions thus far, to chat about old pranks and mothers and romance.

"Have you finished sixth year Ravenclaws yet?" Lily said a few minutes later, desperately wanting to break the silence – not because it was uncomfortable, exactly, but because she had decided she rather enjoyed conversing with James.

"Er…" he checked the bottom of the page he currently worked on. "Almost. I'm on Lovett. Where are you?"

"Halfway through seventh-year Slytherins," said Lily, glancing down at her own paper and wincing. "Nott." James' gaze flicked up and landed on her face.

"Charming," was all he said.

The mention of Nott, who had prompted their first conversation on the subject of Voldemort, weighed heavily on Lily's mind, and her thoughts rose unbidden to their latest discussion the subject. Uncharacteristically uncertain, she asked, "Have you…have you thought about what you said to me, a week ago?"

Hand reaching up to tousle messy black hair, James said simply, "Yes."

Frustrated he wasn't making it easier for her, Lily shifted and said, "So…do you have any idea what to do? To help, I mean. To motivate, or galvanize, or inspire, or, whatever. Do whatever the hell you were saying about helping."

He smiled at her. "Evans, I told you what needs to happen – in my view. We need to make it personal – make it a fight of humanity, not just sick ideas or half-arsed motivations. And…" For the barest of seconds Lily thought he looked uncertain, but that he plowed smoothly on and finished, "I all ready said what I thought you could do, to help."

"I don't believe in what you said," Lily said, thinking of little Eleanor Rhoo and her right of privacy.

He shrugged. "Then figure out how you can help in your own way. It doesn't have to be organized, at this point. Just…carefully strung together."

Lily frowned. Unorganized? Every anti-war movement she'd ever heard of was organized. But James' whole idea was from an individual perspective and stance – fight by set an example. It was totally unorthodox but somehow attractive – an odd combination in her mind, to say the least.

"Carefully strung together," she repeated softly, eyes falling back to her parchment. Throwing her shoulders back and sitting up straighter, she tossed an easy, routine smile in his direction and reached for the bottle of ink.

"Thank you," she said, and then continued with the reports.

2.

"Lily, stop, that's disgusting," Alice said, and Lily halted the swirling movements of her fork across the plate to offer a smile.

"Sorry. Wasn't paying attention," Lily replied, eyes drifting back down to her plate. Her head tilted slightly, viewing the mashed vegetables and bits of meat with vacant interest. "Maybe…I won't eat this."

"Fling it at the first years," Marlene offered. "Or the Slytherins. Look. Creed's head is just within firing range."

"Why would I do that?" said Lily, tone still absentminded. "They didn't do anything."

"I suppose not. Damn. Hey Alice – what were you going to tell me in History? I just remembered. Come on, let's have it."

The previously sedate and normal Alice suddenly looked as though she'd been hit with three Cheering Charms. "Oh – Frank's coming early! Dumbledore told me that Hogsmeade weekend's not for a while yet and then he gave me special permission to see him. This weekend! I'm so excited."

"That's wonderful, Alice," said Lily. "And I'm sorry about Hogsmeade – we can only fit so many in a year and James and I thought it would be best for the next one to be just before Christmas, for the shopping."

"When did you know that?" Alice said, faltering a little.

Lily allowed the guilt flit briefly across her face. "Before our conversation the other night. I'm sorry, I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to disappoint you."

"It's okay, Lily. But you could have told me," Alice said. Lily wondered about the truthfulness of that statement but nodded anyway.

As usual Marlene busted the tension without appearing to notice it existed and said, "So: Frank. This weekend. Come on, Alice, what are your plans? Because me and Lily can make sure to be out of the room –"

Alice blushed. "Don't be ridiculous, Marlene. It's – it's just Frank. You know we're waiting."

"Nothing a few drinks and a short skirt can fix," Marlene teased. "Lily, work with me, sweetie. Isn't Alice a perfect nutter for wanting to wait? Honestly, you've got a lovely boy at your disposal and you don't even do anything about it. Back me up, Lily. Come on."

Lily held up her hands. "I think…" she said, "I'm going to stay out of this one. But I must admit, Frank _is_ nice to look at."

"And probably a nice shag, as well."

Alice covered bright cheeks with her palms. "Don't, Marlene. Really. You're embarrassing me."

Marlene laughed and tugged Alice's yellow curls with good-natured cheer. "You know I'm just kidding, dear. You and Frank are totally sweet together – really. To be quite honest I think he'd be more shocked than you if I offered up our dorm."

"You're going to have to tell him hello for me, Alice. It's too bad I'll miss him," said Lily when the laughter had died down.

"What? Why, where are you going?" said Marlene. "What's more important than teasing Alice?"

"My sister's wedding," Lily sighed. She twisted her fork around her plate and dipped it in the mound of rice and celery she'd created. Shoving the food in her mouth and swallowing, Lily clarified, "I'm leaving Friday, but I'll be back Sunday – hopefully early. The wedding's Saturday night."

"Why on earth aren't you staying longer?" Alice wanted to know. "It seems like the perfect excuse to stay away from school as long as possible."

"My mum wanted me to come a week early to help with the fittings and such but I really can't afford to miss school right now," said Lily. "Is it just me or have the professors all been piling on the work this week? Honestly. And it's only Tuesday."

"NO kidding. That Herbology project killed me. I was in the library for FOUR hours yesterday trying to work on it."

"I personally think the NEWT preparation stuff is the worse. That Transfig packet? Worst thing in the world."

"I didn't finish it yet. I planned to ask James for help. Say, Lily, could you ask him for me? You two seem to be _very _friendly lately."

Lily looked up in surprise, having drifted out of the conversation without noticing. "Sorry, what?"

Marlene exchanged a grin with Alice and then repeated, "Could you go over and ask James to come here and help me with my project?"

Lily scoffed. "No. Ask him yourself."

"Well, I would, but you're awfully close to him these days."

Lily looked at Alice, and then back at Marlene. "Are you kidding? No I'm not. The only reason I was in the library with him yesterday was for Head duties."

Alice said, "Yes, Lily, but that's not all we're talking about. I heard from a VERY reliable source that you spent some of your date with Benji with him!"

"Whoever told you that was being an idiot. Sirius and Remus and Peter were there as well. And then I left all of them when they started being arseholes."

"I don't think I even want to know that story," said Marlene brightly. "But honestly, Lily. It sounds like you've got a whole harem of blokes after you!"

"Alice," Lily groaned, turning to the other girl, who looked positively mirthful.

"I swear I didn't say anything to her, Lily. But honestly…if two people come up with the same observation, there has to be some truth to it, right?"

"No."

"Ha," said Marlene. "Look at her face, Alice. That's hilarious."

Lily burrowed her face further into her arms, secretly hoping her hair wasn't getting caught in the mass of slushy food on her plate.

"Do you think she'd react if we called her harem over and started questioning them?" Marlene whispered loudly to Alice.

Lily popped her head up instantly. "Marlene, don't you dare –"

"OY! James, c'mere! I've got a question for you!"

"Maaaarly," Lily whined. "Please don't say anything weird. He has a girlfriend."

"What does that have to do with anything?" said Marlene, looking honestly confused. "Merlin, Lily, don't you know anything? What's the fun in having only one bird – or bloke, for that matter – at a time?"

Lily's answer was blocked by the timely arrivalal of what turned out to be not one but four mischievous Gryffindor seventh-years.

"What's up, McKinnon?"

"Hi Marlene, Alice, Lily."

"Hello, ladies."

"Lily, darling, I _knew _you couldn't resist my appeal for friendship."

Lily dropped her face back to her arms. "Come one, come all, why don't you?"

She could practically feel the weight of James, Peter, Remus, and Sirius' gazes upon her.

"Muggle saying," Alice's voice said. "Ignore it."

"Or ignore us," Lily offered, propping her face up with her elbows and tilting her head to view the very, very high faces of the four boys. "Marlene doesn't really need you. She's being ridiculous."

"No, I do," protested Marlene, shaking her head to clear wild bits of curl from her face. "Stay. Sit. Yes, like that. We were just discussing Lily's magnetic influence over blokes. What do you suppose that's from?"

Lily gaped at Marlene, then swiftly turned to Alice. "_Alice_," she hissed. "Did she seriously just say that?"

Alice looked rather shocked (not to mention amused) as well. "Er, yes, she did."

"Damn," said Lily. "I was rather hoping I imagined it."

"Er," said James, his eyes flitting across to Lily and then back at Marlene. "Does she? I hadn't noticed."

"Yes, she does," continued Marlene conversationally. "She hardly ever spends time with either Alice or me, lately. We think it's because of her harem taking up her time."

"Lily has a harem?" Remus asked. "According to you, or her?"

"Them!" Lily cut in quickly. "And the rest of what she said is completely ludicrous, Remus; just ignore it –"

"No, no, no," said Marlene. "Don't. Please. And _do _sit down – it hurts to look at you, Sirius, Remus. James and Peter, stay standing, if you must. You're not that tall."

"I am too tall!" said James indignantly. "Look at me next to Lily." He tried to pull Lily up, but she quickly yanked her arm away and said huffily,

"What, are you implying that I'm _short_, James?"

"You are short, love," said Sirius helpfully. "Even more than James, but not by much. How tall are you, Prongs? One-seventy-two centimeters? One-seventy-three?"

"No!" said James. "At least one-seventy-_nine_."

"I don't think that's quite right," Peter put in, standing back a bit and looking at him. "Because I'm one-seventy-one and you're definitely not eight more'n me."

"I'm one-sixty-five. That's not _that _short," put in Lily. "But even if it was James is _not _almost fifteen more than me."

"Yes I am – look, stand next to me!" James insisted. Lily rolled her eyes at his childish antics and gave in, pushing out her chair and standing next to him. She glanced up at his face and then back down at their grinning mates. She wouldn't have said it aloud, ever, but even though James was hardly tall – anyone could see it, despite his protests – he still towered embarrassingly over her. "Elliot, you judge! Everyone else would lie."

Alice stood up as well. Lily rolled her eyes again; they were starting to draw stares from students all around the Great Hall.

"Er…James looks like he's barely six or seven centimeters more."

"You did it wrong," glared James, folding his arms and sitting down next to Lily amidst crows and laughter. "No way I'm that short."

"'S okay, Prongs. At least you're not shorter than Pete," Sirius chortled, slapping Peter on the back in good humor.

"It's all right, James. This way girls don't have to levitate themselves to snog you," said Marlene in what was supposed to have been a comforting manner.

"Gee, thanks, McKinnon," James muttered, grabbing a roll from the center of the table and scowling. "Why am I over here, again?"

"Oh! Right!" said Marlene, looking delighted. "I forgot. Lily cleverly maneuvered the conversation away. Going back to the subject: Lily has a harem. Why is that?"

"McKinnon! Stop!" said Lily, askance. "Honestly! I don't have a harem."

"You do hang out with a lot of blokes, Evans," said Remus suddenly.

"Yes, because whenever I'm with _them_ –" Lily jabbed a finger towards Marlene, who continued to look unperturbed – "I get interrogated over unreal issues."

"I dunno, Evans, they seem pretty real to me," said Sirius, and she could tell by the glint in his eyes that he was having a positively marvelous time pissing her off.

"I have homework," Lily decided, standing up again and ignoring the titters around her. "A lot. So…I'm going."

"Is that your permanent escape mechanism?" Sirius couldn't resist jabbing as Lily grabbed her bag and readied herself to leave for the library. "Because you seem to fall back on it every time –"

"Shut up, Black! _Really_."

3.

Lily didn't believe in destiny – she had decided that a long time ago. She didn't believe that a higher will or being planned out the events of the world in the sequence of their desire; rather, she believed in individual actions and connected reactions. She believed in personal will and personal control.

That said, Lily still accepted the reality of coincidences, and the irony of finding Eleanor Rhoo sitting alone in the library early Wednesday morning before Potions did not escape Lily.

Dropping her books and her body into the table she usually occupied, Lily's eyes immediately fell on the figure of the small fourth-year, thin and crouched in front of what looked like a Charms textbook. Her short blonde hair hung straight down her back, bright in the flickering candlelight, and her eyes looked very tired. Lily's thoughts instantly flew to James Potter's words from what seemed like ages ago.

Making a decision in a split second, hardly even thinking about her physical movements before they were halfway through the motions, Lily stood and made her way over to the fourth year.

"Hello," Lily said, stopping just short of the table where Eleanor Rhoo sat and watching the light brown irises shift upwards to fasten on Lily's own bold eyes.

"Hello," Eleanor said. Her eyes shifted side to side as if searching for a tangible reason that Lily spoke to her.

"Do you mind?" Lily asked, waving a hand towards the seat across from Eleanor.

"Er – I don't – sure," Eleanor stumbled, looking rightfully confused. The library was nearly empty; most of the saner students were still in bed at seven o'clock, leaving plenty of other vacant tables and chairs for Lily to sit in.

"Thank you," said Lily, and she sat down. She studied the younger girl for a moment, watching the nerves play across Eleanor's thin white face and practically hearing the shudders of anxiety.

"I imagine you've had a lot of strangers come up to you in the last few weeks," Lily said, breaking the fragile silence between them. Eleanor's eyes shot up again, and this time Lily could clearly see the battling emotions across her face: weariness and perhaps the barest hint of annoyance.

"Yes. But…I know your name," she said simply.

"How do you know my name?" Lily said, determinedly keeping the conversation light for as long as she possibly could.

"Everyone knows you. You're the Head Girl."

"Oh." Lily considered this for a moment, letting the weight of her position sink into her truly for the first time. James was right – they really were in a place where they could do something, if a fourth year girl knew her name. "I didn't realize a lot of the younger years knew who I was. Neat."

Eleanor looked uncertain. Lily sighed and leaned forward, saying frankly,

"I'm sure you know why I'm here – to give you the sympathies that everyone has. You know – to say I'm sorry for your loss, and to come talk to me if you need anything, and all that." She paused, watching Eleanor's face tighten. "And…well, I mean it, and all that, but…I personally always thought it was bullshit."

For the first time in the conversation, Eleanor's eyes focused on Lily's with an unbearable intensity. "What?" she asked, and that single syllable was stronger than anything else she'd said so far.

"I'm not a very sympathetic person," Lily told her. Slowly, as she spoke, the solid pressure that had ached in her chest for years started to subside. "In face, I'm apparently very blunt – some of my friends have told me that. My sister tells me it all the time. But…I try to be really honest with saying what I believe. Right now I'm going to tell you what I know, and what I think, and the whole time you're probably going to be wondering who the hell I think I am, what do I think I _know_, what does anyone think they understand?"

Lily loosened a breath. Now was the time for her to smooth away her emotions; hide them away behind bars of reason. She hadn't spoken of this aloud to anyone – including her father. She could all ready sense the impending emotional landslide, and it wasn't an appealing premonition.

"I remember thinking," she began again, purposely twiddling her fingers and not watching Eleanor's face, "That the thing I wanted most was for people to ignore me. I wanted to be normal – or just be treated normal. I needed to know that at least some fixture in my life, even if it was just schoolwork or my dormmates or boys, had stayed the same.

"I think the worst thing was that everyone thought they could comfort me with things they said. A lot of people tried to make me believe that they understood, but all that I could think of was that they didn't come close – to understanding, that is. It didn't happen to them, so their sympathy seemed superficial."

Silence. Then –

"What…what happened to you?" Eleanor asked. Well, Lily thought morbidly, nothing like a tragic story to galvanize interest.

"My best friend died," she said bluntly.

Eleanor looked taken aback; clearly she had expected something – or rather some_one _– different.

"Oh," she said.

"I never really talked to anyone about it," Lily observed, eyes finally meeting those of the girl across from her. "But I think…well, I remember _wanting _to – it was just that no one was the right person." She stopped, and waited. The small voice took a while to respond, but as Lily knew it would, it spoke eventually.

"How did she die?"

"Do you remember the attack on the Ministry of Magic two years ago?" Lily said. She observed with an idle sense of panic that, as bottled up as her emotions had become over the years, she was starting to feel the pressure building in her throat. Eleanor nodded in affirmation. "Rebecca was there with her dad, and…I don't really know the details. I never wanted to. She…got caught in the crossfire. She had no chance, not really." Lily let her voice fade away and soften.

"Was it…was it Death Eaters?" Eleanor said hesitantly.

"They don't know," Lily replied, her voice morose. "Never found out. They didn't catch any one of them – not one. Becca was one of the only three that died, but it…well, it was enough. For me, and for her family, it was enough."

Eleanor looked troubled. Dark circles under her eyes indicated that she hadn't been sleeping well, and she looked far too thin to be healthy. Lily felt her throat close – sleepless nights, a lack of appetite…she knew those symptoms, and it hurt to think that Eleanor Rhoo had to know them as well.

"You know, I imagined it for weeks," said Lily slowly, and then she halted. Eleanor's upturned face, shadowy in the flickering library lights, urged her to go on. "She was…my best friend. It sounds odd that I'd be affected as much as I was, but…well. When you're a Muggleborn in a whole new world, and you find someone that you can really, truly relate to – it was hard, adjusting, and she was always there. We were really, really attached. I have some problems at home, and I could talk about that with her. I haven't been able to, since. The other girls are nice, but it's not the same as having a best friend. Now the only time I see her is in my dreams…a lost of times she's all ready dead, and she's staring at me. And sometimes I can see her face, and a green light speeding towards her, and sometimes I see her coffin. They're not really pleasant dreams. Even when they're good ones, memories, and such, I still wake up missing her terribly."

Lily looked up, and while she was mildly surprised to see that Eleanor's eyes were blurred, she was even more shocked to find that her own were as well.

"I dream," Eleanor said. It was the first non-question she'd stated since the beginning of their conversation. "I dream…I imagine their deaths. And…" Her brown eyes were damn as they struggled to meet Lily's. "I remember them, from before. But only the good things. I never remember the bad parts."

"It's important to remember the good parts." Lily purposely spoke as little as possible, hoping Eleanor would continue to talk and let it out.

"How do I stop picturing them die, though?" Eleanor whispered.

Never one to particularly like contact or touch with other people, Lily nevertheless leaned forward then and wrapped an arm around Eleanor's shoulders. Feeling awkward and young, she rested her forehead against Eleanor's and said, "You can't. You're going to see it for weeks…maybe even months. And it's never going to stop, not completely. I don't what to tell you to make it go away even for a little while." Lily sank back into her chair, meeting Eleanor's shuddering eyes with bright emerald confidence. "But at least you never forget. That's the worst thing, I think – forgetting."

Eleanor looked away. "I want to forget," she said softly, and Lily had to strain to hear her even in the warm stillness of the library, which had remained mostly barren since her arrival. "I want it all to go away. I want it to not exist. I want to just go back in time and –"

"You can't," Lily interrupted. Words that could have been harsh cut in with surprising gentleness. "You can't turn back time, you can't change what has all ready happened. That was the hardest thing for me to accept – how could a whole entire school be based on learning forms of magic and yet magic can't bring back people from the dead, or change time? But that's how it is."

"I hate it," Eleanor said. The sudden venom in her small voice made Lily shake her head dejectedly.

"No. You don't hate it. You hate the situation, and you hate yourself. You hate that you couldn't control the uncontrollable. You hate that you can't find away around it. And you might even hate that you think you haven't put enough effort into grieving them."

Bloodshot and weary eyes drooped downwards, towards the table that had born so many students of Hogwarts on it. "Yes."

"I hated myself for years," Lily said. "Ever since it happened, I thought I could've done something. See, people tell you nothing could have changed it – they tell you everything will be all right – but I always knew that I could've done something, if I was there. I could've at least tried."

"I couldn't have," Eleanor said. Lily waited for her to continue. "I couldn't've done anything, if I was there. I would have just died. But…I still wish…"

"That you were there anyway." Compassion rang in Lily's voice, and she realized what she was feeling in one clarifying instant: sympathy. The very thing she had spurned before, both out loud to James and to herself. At the moment she couldn't imagine Eleanor reacting to anything else.

"Yes," Eleanor said, and wearily, she dragged her eyes upward to Lily's. "You're Head Girl. You were always really smart, I bet. I'll never be like that – not like you, I won't be."

Lily let wet, humorless laughter flow from her lungs into the drizzly air. "Do you know why I'm Head Girl?" she asked, tilting her head towards Eleanor. "Because of Rebecca. Because of my memories of her, and because I felt so guilty. I've always been embarrassingly studious, yes, but not as much as now. When she…when she died, she was top of my class. I felt I had to redeem her some way – and I did. I tried, for so long. And I proved two things to myself by doing that – one, that no matter how many bad dreams I have, she still gave me something so goodthat I can never do what I was always afraid of: forget her."

"What was the second thing?"

Lily gave Eleanor a crooked smile. "That I can be a better person because of her."

Eleanor lowered her face and sniffed, swiping a small white hand off a runny nose and then staring at it. "I've never been good at school," she said.

"Oh, sweetie," Lily said, Marlene's favorite endearment escaping her lips before she could stop it. "That was an example. That was where I chose to remember Becca. You could be great somewhere else. You could cement memories of your parents in some other way."

"I don't know where. I'm not…I'm not any good at the other stuff."

"Don't ever think that, Eleanor. Don't ever." Lily hesitated, then went on, hoping that her scant memories here would serve her. "Do…do you know that I used to know your brother?"

Eleanor's face cleared with the coming of a new topic. She shook her head timidly.

"Well, I did. And we didn't talk all that much, because I only ever saw him in Prefect meetings, but there was one time I remember that he mentioned you – the only reason I knew your name, in fact. I don't remember what he said, really, but I do remember thinking that it was the sweetest thing, how he talked about you – just like I always thought an older brother would be to his sister; very proud, very protective. And…he smiled, the whole time. I remember wishing that my sister talked about me like that."

A light red blushed Eleanor's cheeks, and Lily felt her spirits lift just the tiniest bit. "Matt never liked me all that much."

Lily smiled. "You might think that, but you're wrong. He doesn't just like you, Eleanor. He _loves _you. As a person, not just because you're his sister. That – that I can see you being able to excel at. If there's any way you'd want your parents to be remembered by, wouldn't loving other people be the greatest thing? I can' say I truly know you, not really. But I do know that I've never heard a single mention of your name in a negative context. You can stretch something like that on – you can share the love." She paused, then added, "Actually, I'm pretty sure that's normally used in a different context. It's probably better to not 'share the love' the way that phrase is normally associated with."

Eleanor laughed, a bubbly sound that Lily suspected hadn't been heard in too long a time.

The bell rang for class.

"Er, anyway," Lily said, standing up abruptly and smiling down. "We'd both better get going before we're late to class." Eleanor nodded and stood up as well, piling books in her tiny bag. "And…thank you."

Eleanor looked up. "What for?" she said.

Lily smiled at her, her mouth drawn in a slightly bitter line, and said, "I haven't spoken of Rebecca in years, even though I've never forgotten. I feel…very weirdly relieved, now that I have. So thank you."

Eleanor lowered her eyes, lashes fluttering against white cheeks. "You're welcome," she mumbled, looking suddenly shy. Lily smiled.

"But it still meant a lot to me," she said sincerely. Eleanor's face snapped up. "Next time you want to talk, I'm always available. Luckily for me, Head Girl comes with more than just a badge – I even get an extended curfew."

Eleanor tested a laugh again, the noise still timid and unpracticed in the air, and said softly, looking very conflicted, "Good bye."

"See you," Lily said, watching her go before turning back to her original table. Staring at the pack of books and parchment for a weary moment, Lily sat down and dropped her head into her hands, taking in a deep breath. Potions was in less than ten minutes, probably, which meant she had most definitely missed breakfast… Sighing again, Lily pushed herself up and shouldered the bag.

"Lily."

Lily turned, surprised, and saw Eleanor Rhoo back in front of her, eyes fixed on her black shoes.

"Thanks."

A smile teased the corners of Lily's mouth. "It was no problem," she said honestly. With a final shy smile and a short, choppy wave, Eleanor quickly retraced her steps back out the library doors. Watching her go, Lily felt a selfish, niggling sensation in the pit of her stomach, one she had tried to ignore throughout their entire conversation. As much as she'd wanted to help Eleanor, Lily knew that she hadn't really given all of herself, not like she should have. Not like James said she would have to, in order to win their personal war.

–

Damn, section three was hard to write. But was it worth it?

Since some have you have waited for so long, I figure the least I can do is offer up a few spoilers. That said: Up next! A VERY action-filled chapter. We finally learn the secret about Lily's dad in addition to getting very real, very concrete LJ action. (Which is what I know you've all been waiting for – forget wanting an actual plot!)


	6. Chapter Six

**We're about to go **_**skydiving**_**, baby. **

ONE LAST CHANCE TO SHINE

In which Sirius is neither nonsensical nor giggly, Lily does not have a group of friends all named Mary Sue, James doesn't magically grow up over the summer, Peter speaks, and Voldemort hasn't gone on a brief holiday.

_All recognizable characters and events from this chapter onward belong to JK Rowling._

SIX

1.

"Thank you, again, Professor, for going through all the trouble," said Lily. From her view of the grounds through Dumbledore's window she could see a group of what looked like second years trooping back to the castle amidst a torrent of wind and rain, holding their hats and bags tightly to their chests as though their lives depended on it. "I really wasn't looking forward to walking down to Hogsmeade in this weather."

Professor Dumbledore sighed and gazed out of the window as well. "Very true. Alas, the summer has finally gone for good. I had been hoping we would get at least another week of sunshine."

"It would have been nice," Lily allowed, though she secretly enjoyed rain such as the violent onslaught that currently pummeled the students below. The resulting soaked clothes and luggage, however, was a less-than-appealing prospect, which was why she was in Dumbledore's office now.

"I suppose you are ready to go," said Dumbledore, turning to her with his half-moon glasses glittering down from his height.

"As ready as I'll ever be," said Lily, smiling a little.

"Have you used Floo powder before?" asked Dumbledore, gesturing to the fireplace. "It's very simple in theory. Just say the name of your destination and throw the powder to the fire. Although I do remember a particular incident from my youth…my brother Aberforth choked on a piece of mutton pie just as he was speaking and ended up somewhere in the middle of Turkey. It was quite a disturbing experience for my poor mother."

"That sounds…awful," said Lily uncertainly, wondering how she was supposed to respond to the personal vignette. She had never really considered Dumbledore as a young boy – the thought was actually rather disconcerting. "I hope you found him all right?"

"Oh yes," Dumbledore said. "Granted, he did not wish to travel by Floo for some time after that…but that is no matter. Since you are not consuming anything there should be no problem. When does your family expect you?"

"I told them I would be there by eight," said Lily. "I'll just Apparate from the Leaky Cauldron once I Floo there. That's what I usually do."

"Of course," said Dumbledore softly, bright blue eyes boring into hers. Lily shifted uncomfortably, then scolded herself: Dumbledore, as powerful as he was said to be, could not possibly read minds. "I wish your sister happiness – I trust there will be a ceremony?"

"Yes," said Lily. "With a priest."

"Ah," said Dumbledore. "I admit that I know little of the Muggle customs of marriage. Perhaps one day I shall study them from up close…hm."

"They're not all that amazing," said Lily. "But I suppose a wizard might find it so. Er…so now I just – grab a handful of this?"

"Yes, then merely say 'The Leaky Cauldron', throw the powder into the fireplace, and you shall arrive."

Lily nodded and stepped into the fireplace with her trunk, feeling silly and hoping the ash wouldn't stick to her clothes. "Thank you, Professor. I should be back at the school Sunday afternoon. I'll just Apparate to Hogsmeade rather than intruding on your office again."

"It is no problem, but do as you wish," said Dumbledore. His face was shadowy from Lily's fireplace perspective, but his eyes twinkled in his face just as though he stood in the sunlight. "Good luck."

"Thanks. Goodbye," said Lily. Lowering her eyes to the dusty walls of the hearth and trying to ignore the odd feeling of flames licking the outsides of her boots, she threw the Floo powder into the fire and announced, "The Leaky Cauldron!"

In a second she felt as though she was flying upwards and being squeezed in every possible direction. Opening her mouth to scream, she clamped it shut at the last possible moment and kept her eyes screwed tightly, not daring to open them to see what was around her. And then, just as suddenly as it had started, the wild sensation stopped and she felt her knees slamming into something hard and most definitely solid. Cracking open an eye experimentally, Lily immediately colored, realizing she was in a crowded bar and under the critical gazes of at least ten witches and wizards.

Quickly standing up and brushing the ash off her robes, Lily searched around for her trunk. Finding it, she grabbed the handle, clutched her wand in her hand, and hurried out of the bar, the embarrassment of her ungraceful entrance battering her remaining sense of pride. Dragging a hand through her tangled auburn hair, Lily sighed and looked up at the sky. Unlike the weather at Hogwarts, in London the air was fuzzy with rain rather than shot of it, and Lily could practically feel her hair frizzing around her face as she stood alone on the sidewalk by the Muggle road for no apparent reason.

"Time to go home," she said out loud, and then, straightening determinedly, she slid in the shadowy alley between two shops and focused on her destination, allowing the rain-shrouded sounds of the honking street life fade away. With a "pop!" and the familiar sensation of compression, Lily felt the cool breeze on her cheek disappear and opened her eyes. And all at once, less than two minutes after leaving Hogwarts, she was back in Spinner's End.

The street was gray as she remembered it, but she thought that she may have romanticized it unwittingly in her mind because it looked dirtier and more run-down than she recalled. "Home," she said, and then grinned humorlessly at the word. Hogwarts was more home than this place, this dirty neighborhood where some of her worst memories – and some of her best, though she rarely acknowledged that – resided. Shaking her head and pulling her emotions together, Lily began walking up the short driveway in front of her, the clicking of her heels sounding hollow and much too loud up the empty street. When she reached the front door she did not pause or hesitate before ringing the doorbell.

"MUM, THE DOORBELL'S GOING!"

Lily's mouth tightened with the muffled words, the first human sound she had heard in the Muggle world since September. It made sense, she supposed, that the first sign she had of Petunia was a scream. Somehow she doubted that it would abate in the next few days.

"I know, darling, I'm getting it," Lily heard a voice call back tiredly, and then she was face to face with her mother.

For all Lily's criticism of Mrs. Evans, she could hardly deny her mother's good looks. Blonde hair longer than a normal woman of forty would wear made her face appear younger, and her eyes were the same brilliant green of her daughter's. Even her figure lessened her age and deepened her appearance, the womanly curves leaving doubt that she had given birth twice. Lily thought she was beautiful; so, judging by past experiences, did most men.

"Lily!" Mrs. Evans cried, and her voice was clear and not so exhausted as it sounded on the other side of the thin walls. She dropped the pile of towels on the chair by the door, coming forward and pulling her daughter towards her with excited hands. "Dear, how wonderful! I thought we wouldn't be seeing you tonight, with all this horrid weather we've been having!"

"Hello, Mum," Lily mumbled against Mrs. Evans' chest, wincing at the tight, uncomfortable feeling of her own arms being pressed to her sides.

Mrs. Evans drew back a bit, holding Lily out with her arms on Lily's shoulders and positively beaming. "Lily, you look even more beautiful than you did when you left. It must be that magical school of yours, don't you think? Oh, I _missed_ you!"

"I missed you too, Mum," said Lily, unconsciously peering down the hallway. "Where's Petunia?"

"Oh, never mind Petunia for a moment. I think she's in the shower. Tell me about you! How has school been, dear? You've been dreadfully vague in your letters."

"School's been…school. I don't know. I suppose the classes are enjoyable enough."

Mrs. Evans smiled and wrapped her arm around Lily's shoulder again. "That's wonderful, darling. But here, come inside – it looks like rain. Maybe the clouds from London are moving over? I saw on the telly that the weather was pretty awful there."

"It wasn't all that bad. A little drizzly, that's all." Lily sighed and rubbed her head, coming through the door and dragging trunk behind her. "I'm sorry, Mum, but I'm a bit tired. D'you think you'd mind if I turned in for the night?"

Mrs. Evans looked very disappointed. "Oh – of course, dear, I didn't even think of that. We can catch up tomorrow. Is there anything you'd like to eat before you go up? I went to the grocery store today so the fridge is very full. And I know you like apple pie so I made some the other day –"

"If it's all right with you I think I'll just go to bed. Thank you, though," interrupted Lily. She hesitated, then asked quickly. "How's the new job?"

Her mother beamed. "Oh, it's been wonderful so far! It's practically a dream come true. I'll tell you all about it in the morning, all right? You just go to bed. Honestly, dear, now that I look closer at you, you look awfully tired. Get some sleep. We have to go to the dress shop tomorrow. Did Petunia tell you Vernon's family has been kind enough to pay for the whole wedding? I really can't thank them enough. I don't know what we would've done if I had to take care of it myself."

"That was really nice of them," said Lily. "Er…when do I need to be up?"

"Don't worry about that, dear, I'll wake you when you're needed," Mrs. Evans assured her. "That'll probably be around nine-ish if you must know. Okay?"

"All right. G'night," said Lily, turning around and waving her wand a bit to make her trunk follow her up the creaky stairs, missing her mum's started jump since her back was turned. As she trooped up the stairs, Lily allowed her eyes to drift, taking in the bare walls and the single picture frame balanced at the top of the staircase. Nothing appeared to have changed since she'd left after the summer.

Reaching her room, Lily pushed open the door carefully, peeking her head in before opening it fully. Plain walls and a wooden bed with dark purple covers met her eyes. The only difference from the summer was the ragged ball of yellow fur on the far side of the bed. "Hey, Dennis," she whispered, and she watched the dog lift his head in recognition and wag his tail. "Hey, sweetie," she said again, walking forward quietly and scratching him at the base of his ears. "I _know_, I missed you too! C'mere, bud."

Dennis stood up on creaky legs and limped towards her on the bed, his tail wagging steadily. Lily knelt down by the edge of the covers to accommodate him. "Oh, baby, look at you. You're so old!" Lily sighed, running her hands over his gray face and tweaking his chin to force his rheumy black eyes to look at her. "But you're still gorgeous, aren't you? Look at that smile. There's my smile."

Lily sighed and sat back on her heels, looking at the dog with her mouth tight. Dennis nosed her arm and she complied, shifting her body upwards and dropping on the bed so she could scratch his chest. "Aww. I know, I missed you too. Have you been here ever since I left? What about Daddy's room? Why haven't you gone to Daddy's room?" She sighed again. "I know, silly question. Mum's in there too. Here you got a quiet place."

Dennis whined a bit and burrowed his head in her lap. "Hey there, bud. I don't let boys down there, what makes you think I'd let _you_?" She pushed him off her and stood up, crossing her arms on her chest. "I honestly am tired, you know. And I'm honestly going to go to bed. The yellow dog looked at her, tail starting to wag again. Lily groaned. "No. No. It's my bed, you just loaned it for a while. No way are you coming up."

Two minutes later Lily lay spread-eagle on the bed, scowling. "I can't move my damn legs, Denny." She swished the sheets around, shifting to try and get comfortable, and then huffed and stopped moving. Silent for a minute, though reflectively she thought it might have been more like two years, she ventured, "You know, Dennis, it's been years since your Daddy's been gone. I think it's time for you to move on, don't you agree?"

Silence met her ears. Biting her lip and staring at the eerily white ceiling, Lily turned on her side and said softly, "But I guess I don't need to be saying that. If you were really grieving Dad you'd be in his room, wouldn't you? But instead you're in mine."

2.

Consciousness drifted in perilously slowly the next morning. Lily's eyes opened blearily, taking in the unfamiliar contours of the walls with vague recognition before she dropped her head back on the pillow and promptly fell back asleep. A minute later her eyes reopened, this time with definite clarity, and she sat up, throwing the covers off and almost falling off the bed when Denny's legs held her in place long enough to unbalance her. Re-standing and subconsciously brushing herself off, Lily looked down and grimaced. She'd forgotten to change from the night before, leaving her shirt creased and legs stiff in the Muggle jeans she'd worn.

Running a hand through rain-curled locks and shaking her hair out best she could, Lily decided to forego dressing until it mattered. A quick glance at the clock told her it was only six thirty, hours before she was supposed to be up. Briefly considering going back to bed, Lily's eyes found the single window high up on her wall, and the gray sky and dull green grass changed her mind.

"I'll be back later, buddy," she said lightly to Denny, patting him once between his ears. He shifted slightly in response and whuffled into the wadded-up blanket. Pulling on her shoes, Lily carefully opened her door and glanced down the narrow hall. No lights were on. It took her barely a minute to make her way down the stairs and to the kitchen, using a silencing charm to block out the creaks.

"Lily? What are you doing up so early?"

Thrown by the sound of her mother's soft voice sliding through the air when she'd anticipated everyone still being asleep, Lily's wand flew sideways to point in the direction of the sound. Mrs. Evans' surprised eyes stared back at her, looking as unperturbed by the stick being brandished towards her as she would if it were a frilly baton.

"Mum?" Lily said, lowering her hand and shoving her wand in her back pocket, feeling stupid. "Sorry, I just – what're you doing up so early?"

Mrs. Evans turned the steaming cup of tea in her hands and smiled at her daughter. Under the dim artificial light hanging over the sink Lily could see wrinkles around her mother's eyes she hadn't noticed the night before. "Just wanted a bit of peace and quiet, dear. I'm so very excited for Petunia and the wedding but by the end of the day I get so tired. The early morning is the only time I can hear myself think."

Lily nodded. She could understand that, at least. Feeling awkward, she said, "Er…I think I'm just going to go and take a walk, then." She didn't meet Mrs. Evans' eyes.

"Oh," her mother said. "Well…do you think I could join you, dear? It would really make me happy to try and catch up a bit. I feel like we haven't talked in such a long time."

That's because we haven't, Lily thought, but said instead, "I suppose so."

"Thank you, dear. Here, let me just put this in the sink and grab my coat and we can be off, all right? There."

Wandering over to the front door to wait, Lily sighed and ran a hand through her hair, wishing she had just left rather than gone to the kitchen and run into her mother. Briefly considering going back up to retrieve her coat, Lily shook her head and decided to let it go. She could always use a Warming Charm if she had to – one of the perks of being of age.

Mrs. Evans returned to the front hall. "All right, I'm ready. Here, dear, I grabbed your coat for you. The early mornings are dreadfully cold, you know."

"I'm fine without," Lily said, turning to open the door and walking out into the cool Saturday morning without looking back.

"Well, all right…." Mrs. Evans sighed, turning around to hang up the coat in the small closet by the door. Joining Lily on the sidewalk moments later, the two turned automatically to the right and began making their way down the unruffled street. Lily noted inwardly that the neighborhood looked much better in the morning than it had at night; with remnants of fog still clustered around sparse bushes and plain houses, the street looked almost normal.

"I usually come this way once a day," Mrs. Evans said presently, breaking the stillness of the morning with an uncharacteristically low voice. "One of the other reasons I get up so early. It's much easier to go when you know there's an almost nonexistent chance of the neighbors watching."

"You're ashamed?" said Lily, feeling bitter.

"Of…course I'm not ashamed, Lily. I would never. I just feel like it's…better…for me to be able to have my own quiet moment without the rest of the world rushing in with all its other problems." Lily felt briefly guilty when she heard the hurt in Mrs. Evans' voice. It didn't stop her from making another jab.

"You didn't stay away from the rest of the world before," she said

Mrs. Evans looked guilty and very sad. "I'm sorry," she said. Lily had heard the words a thousand times and they still sounded flat to her ears. "It wasn't the right way to handle things, and it wasn't fair to you girls."

Lily didn't say anything. The stiff morning air crackled between them, eating the tension and then spitting it out when the acrid flavor reached the surface.

"How long is this going to last, Lily?" Mrs. Evans asked suddenly. Lily frowned and avoided the expectant green eyes staring at her with more force than she had seen in a long time. "How long do we have to avoid this, treat it with our own medicine even when we know it's not working?"

Lily opened her mouth and shut it again, potential words tumbling through her mind too fast to grasp. "I –"

"Please don't give me excuses, dear. I've heard enough excuses to last me a lifetime. I want to hear the truth – you used to be so good at that. I think you still are, to an extent. Tell me what you feel, Lily. Not just what you think. Tell me what you feel."

Lily felt tears rise unbidden to her eyes. Horrified, she turned away, stopping in front of the road and staring forward with eyes too blurred to see. When she trusted her voice enough to speak, she did so, coolly enough that she might as well have been speaking to the Prefects.

"I feel…that there is nothing to discuss between you and me. You chose your way to deal and I accept that. My own way has been none of your business ever since you chose yours."

She turned back around to meet her mother head on with the same aloofness she had perfected at school, but she faltered almost immediately, seeing the older version of her own face staring back with eyes that were wet and large, lips that tightened across her face, and smooth skin marred only by the faintest smattering of sun-freckles.

"He's not coming back, Lily."

The words did not sound any louder or echo any more than had any of the others, yet Lily still felt them pierce her skin like a wave of frigid water.

"I know he's not coming back, Mum. It was pretty obvious when we lowered the damn casket in the fucking ground." And just like that Lily felt her cool evaporating, falling onto the ground and splintering and burning and dying along with all the control she had been building since it happened. Swearing was irrational; it was vulgar and accomplished nothing except maybe a funnel for her emotions, a funnel that wouldn't be needed if she had control. And now with one sentence it was all falling down and burning. Mrs. Evans' silence infuriated Lily and drew more vulgar words out of her like fire fueled by walls of crackling silence that had been building for three years.

"And I don't even know why you're bringing this up, Mum, because I _clearly _did _not_. You want to put it in the past? Fine. Excellent. I agree! Put it in the bloody past. You were doing it for a while, didn't you? Why'd you all the sudden try to start remembering again? You were doing all fine by yourself before, leaving us alone at home even though we fucking hate each other. But you just wanted to go to the city and start that life you always wanted, right? Hang out in the bars with the rich fat men and the hookers and every other kind of bastard who went to forget something and ended up drowning in their own selfishness? Well, it would've worked. You should have stayed. You certainly fit the profile."

"Lily, I –" Mrs. Evans began, but it was too late: the dam was down and the river was rushing, and only a force from heaven or maybe hell could stop the rage that flew out of the tiny redheaded girl.

"You know what? I don't get why you even came back. I was doing fine. Petunia was doing fine; hell, she's getting married tomorrow. We didn't _need you_. All you do is go back and forth on dead-end jobs and always hope for tomorrow. Always tomorrow, right Mum? What's this new job again? A 'dream come true'? Psh. Yeah right. Maybe for three more months, but then that's it. You'll be _gonzo_. Again. And then after a month of being unemployed you'll be back in it with the perfect job and the perfect opportunity and then that'll be gone too and you know what? _I won't give a damn._ Because you were dead to me the second he was and the second you stopped being my mother and tried to fit into a new life since we obviously weren't good enough for you."

Lily stopped then, her breath flooding from her chest in a furious gale and puffing up her cheeks with a passionate red she hadn't felt in ages. And then Mrs. Evans' arms were around her and though Lily did not cry they were hugging for the first time in years, Lily's fists slapping into her mother's chest without force because all the force was beaten from her body.

"Oh darling, I…" her mother whispered in a broken voice Lily did not hear. "I'm so – I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry. I need to – I have to – Lily, I –"

Lily fought to leave her mother's grip and compose herself, dragging fingers through tangled hair and straightening out her clothes. "I'm fine," she growled, yanking herself away from Mrs. Evans' reaching hands and starting to walk again.

"Lily, you're _not fine_, just let me –"

"Just let you what?" Lily snapped, whirling around and fixing Mrs. Evans with a look vehement enough to melt the pavement. "Lie some more? Make excuses?"

"NO," said Mrs. Evans, and her eyes were just as determined. "Explain. Let me explain. You never gave me that, Lily. Never. Not even when I told you the real reason I left was different from the one you immediately tagged me with. You want to talk about lies and excuses, Lily? Think about the ones you've told yourself. It's YOU who've torn yourself away from us, Lily. Not me. You."

"Of course I did," Lily snarled, hair flying in her face and sticking to her lips. "Of course I separated myself. You two are jokes, you here me? JOKES. You don't even act like you give a damn about Dad being gone. The first thing you did, Mum, was run off to the city. _First thing_. And then you came back later and tried to connect to us again. _Connect_, Mum? How could you possibly think I would do that? How the hellcould you think I would want to stick around anymore?"

"Because I didn't go to the city!"

Her mother's shout echoed into the empty street and punctured Lily's words so they all deflated around her.

"What?" said Lily, a little confused but mostly just still angry.

Mrs. Evans' eyes were wide and damp on her worked-up face. She looked a bit crazy.

"I never went to the city," she said, and Lily felt her heart smash into the wall of her chest. "I never went, Lily. I told you I was going away for a while and that was it. You and Petunia assumed it was to London but it _wasn't_. It never was."

"Where was it, then?" Lily said snidely, refusing to believe her mother's words despite the doubt fluttering in the pit of her stomach. "The moon?"

"No, Lily. Lebanon. I went to Lebanon."

Complete silence blanketed the sky and hushed the subtle sigh of wind against the bald trees.

"What?" said Lily, shocked.

Mrs. Evans stared back at her determinedly, eyes unwavering. "I went to Lebanon. I didn't go to the city, I didn't go to another man, I didn't go for another 'dream come true' job. I went to see if they were wrong."

"Why?" said Lily. Her whole world was shaking in its foundations and she could practically feel her brain crumbling behind her forehead. "How? There was a war, there was the money, there –"

"I don't think you ever considered that I actually knew your father," Mrs. Evans interrupted. "Knew him, and loved him. I knew that he would never leave us without a fight. I knew that he had been trained from the war and I knew that _nothing _would stop him, not even death, not even the whole damn civil war that sprang up around him, from coming home. And I – I didn't believe that a carrierman paid by an old diplomat could be telling the truth. So I went."

"You couldn't have," said Lily, still hanging onto her pride. "You couldn't have. It would've cost too much money, it –"

"I had to see for myself." Lily stopped talking. "I had to make sure they were…they were wrong before I could believe they were right. But once I got down there it was too violent. They weren't letting any of us in."

"What do you mean, 'us'?"

"Tourists. Sightseers. I was the only one who came for someone, of course. It's not like we were doing anything to help either side…it was just a Civil War between savages, for all Britain cared. It just seems…it seems the most terrible luck that your dad picked that time of year to go down for that business venture."

Lily laughed humorlessly. "Ha. No kidding." She stared at the ground.

"They never found his body, of course," her mother said softly. "But he was in the middle of it all and I heard from Wayne that the guerillas were elimin – not tolera – I heard from Wayne that there was no chance."

"You said Dad wouldn't give up. He might've found a way out of there." Lily's voice was stony even while her face tightened with pain.

"I wanted to believe that, too," said Mrs. Evans. "I wanted to. But he hasn't come back, Lily. It's been three years and he hasn't come back."

"I get it," said Lily. She did.

Mrs. Evans was quiet for a long time. She stared towards the hint of light beginning to spread on the horizon, blinking eyes that held tears that did not fall. Blonde shoulder-length hair flipped lightly in the breeze, framing the face that suddenly looked older than its owner.

"I'm sorry I accused you," said Lily.

Mrs. Evans looked at her.

"I'm sorry I never told you. I truly am, Lily. I should have made sure you knew," her mother said softly. Lily nodded and looked away, back up the direction they had been going. Without speaking, both turned silently to continue up the road, the physical space between them not detracting from the similarity of their figures and countenances. The air, though still pleasantly cool against Lily's face, had begun to warm a little with the forthcoming of the sun.

They reached the edge of the graveyard in barely ten minutes.

"You know…" Lily said musingly, more to herself than Mrs. Evans, "I always thought it was a bit morbid that we have a cemetery only a couple kilometers away."

"Strange how convenient that turned out to be," her mother replied in the same bland, observatory tone. Hesitating for a bare second, the older woman stepped onto the gravely, unkempt lawn and began trekking an obviously familiar pathway through the flat headstones. Lily followed silently, careful to avoid the graves and the random splurges of dying flowers on the ground. They both came to a stop less than fifteen meters in from the road.

The headstone was just as Lily remembered it – just as dull and gray as the rest of the neighborhood. The lettering simply read, "Jack Evans, 1931 – 1973." No passerbyer could have guessed that he had served admirably in the war when he was barely fourteen; no passerbyer could know that he had wanted to become a pilot, or that he married the most beautiful girl from town, or that he loved taking care of his garden more than any woman Lily knew, the same garden that was now painted with dust in front of her house. The stone was as dead as the absent body under it.

"I still have your letters."

Lily started, glancing up at her mother. Mrs. Evans continued to gaze at the headstone, her hands clasped tightly in front of her.

"The letters," her mother clarified a moment later, turning slightly and meeting Lily's eyes. "To your father. The ones that you started writing the year he disappeared."

"Oh," said Lily, at a loss of what to say. "I – well, I assumed – I didn't know what you'd do with them. Put them here, maybe."

"Is that what you wanted me to do?" her mother asked. "I'm sorry. You never specified, so I just…kept them in a box. Anyway, I still have them for you. I'll give them back once we get home."

Lily nodded slightly. "Okay," she said. She honestly did not know what she wanted to do with the letters, or even what she had ever wanted her mother to do with them.

She tried to remember her father. It was getting harder and harder every time she tried, her mind forming a collective image of him out of combined characteristics from different times. Most of the time she imagined him being tall and absurdly thin with reddish hair and a quizzical grin on his face, but then she remembered that his hair had lightened by the time he left and that ruined the whole picture. She couldn't remember the lines on his face or the color of his skin, and when she tried to picture it, her memories came out with skewed faces in absurd colors. As much as she fought to remember him, his face was slipping from her memory as cleanly as soap in running water. His laugh, his grin – she could feel it all falling into the recesses of her mind.

Lily could, at least, remember some of the things they'd done. Particular points in her childhood stood out to her: riding the bus together so he could drop her off at school, visiting Diagon Alley for the first time with him and her mother, playing childish tricks on Petunia the Thanksgiving before Lily went to Hogwarts, the family riding bicycles down a country road for a day-trip… Angered with herself, Lily realized that she could remember everything that happened, everything they did, but her father's face still eluded her when she focused on it. It was ridiculous, it was nonsensical, and it made Lily furious that she couldn't remember the man she'd idolized for years.

"I should be getting back, dear," her mother said what might have been five or thirty minutes later. "I still need to sort a few things out for Petunia, and get ready to meet the Dursleys for breakfast. Will you be staying a little longer?"

"Yes," Lily said, not looking up. Mrs. Evans nodded hesitantly and then began to walk away. Lily barely heard the crunch of leaves and gravel beneath her mother's feet, too focused on the rock in front of her and a thousand memories that could not piece together her father's face.

3.

"Petunia, I'm so happy for you. It was a lovely service," Lily said, hesitating only slightly before hugging her sister. "Vernon seems very…nice."

"He is, isn't he?" Petunia beamed, returning the embrace with more enthusiasm than Lily could have imagined. After the wedding and the pre-wedding rehearsal were over, Lily had been astounded at Petunia's relentless good mood, and she was obviously still in very high spirits now. "Did he tell you about the house he bought us? Down on Privet Drive, you know, north an hour? It's going to be marvelous. Vernon's got such a steady job at his company that I won't have to work and I'll get to mind the house and the kitchen and the garden and the children, when it gets to that point. It really is a dream come true. I'm so happy, Lily."

Flinching at Petunia's choice of words, Lily said, "I'm glad," but privately added to herself, _and a little disturbed_. She tried to imagine sitting at home all day and then having her large, whale-like, dumpy blonde husband come home to her bed. Vernon Dursley's good looks were far lacking, even when he was dressed in smart stomach-stretching wedding garb, and Lily made a mental wager with herself that he would crush Petunia's thin frame on their wedding night. But as much as Vernon's physique, pompousness, and family bothered her, Lily could at least appreciate Petunia's ostensible happiness. (And, of course, the fact that their matrimony had brought a brief halt to the usual ear-splitting arguments that took place between her and her sister.)

Lily turned to her mother, her eyes a little doubtful and her tongue sliding nervously across the front of her teeth. "It really was a nice wedding, Mum. I know you and the Dursleys put a lot of work into it."

"Thank you, dear. I'm going to miss you!" Mrs. Evans said, and, ignoring the awkwardness, she came forward to hug her daughter. Lily returned the embrace hesitantly.

"Good luck with your job," she said.

"Thank you, darling," said Mrs. Evans, and hugged her again.

Lily shifted on her feet, clutching her trunk in her left hand and her wand in her right while feeling very, very ready to get out of the bizarre household and back to Hogwarts. Even moving staircases and random exploding objects in the hallways seemed decidedly more predictable and constant at the moment. "Er. Then…I guess I'll be off. Miss you."

"Bye."

"Goodbye, dear. Safe travels!"

"Right," said Lily. She opened the front door, grinned in farewell, and pulled her trunk into the gloomy sunlight. "See you Christmas break." Standing out in the Muggle neighborhood, Lily stopped, made a decision, then walked back through the open door, meeting Petunia's and her mother's confusion with a pretty smile of her own.

"Sorry. Too open out there to Disapparate," she said. "I'll just do it in here." And before either Mrs. Evans or Petunia could get a word in, Lily disappeared with a loud CRACK!, leaving what remained of her family screaming behind her.

4.

Hogsmeade had surprisingly good weather, Lily noticed when she reappeared in the wizarding world. Enough that it had drawn a few suspiciously young faces to its streets, at least. Lily shook her head, recognizing a duo of Ravenclaw fifth-years who were strutting with their broomsticks on their shoulders and looking decidedly pleased with themselves. She smiled, amused, almost against her will. Reaching into her pocket to see if she had any money, Lily pulled out a Galleon and a Knut, appraised them, and then shrugged and walked into the Three Broomsticks using her wand to shrink her trunk and drop it in her pocket. She, at least, had a legitimate excuse to be down here; it would be foolish to let the opportunity escape without grabbing a Butterbeer.

Walking in Lily was less than surprised to see James Potter and Sirius in a booth in the corner. She was rather thrown, however, to see that Benjamin was with them.

Before she could wrap her mind around anything but the image of the three boys sitting together, Sirius' eyes slid over her and then doubled back and caught her eye.

"OY! EVANS!"

Lily winced, wishing she hadn't come into the bar. Remembering her last conversation with Sirius Black, Lily really didn't want to be around him when her emotions were still exhausted from the weekend. Knowing it would be rude if she avoided them now, Lily walked over to the other side of the room, using the time to straighten herself out.

"Hello, Sirius. James. Benji. What are you blokes doing here on a day that is obviously _not_ a Hogsmeade visit?" she drawled, dropping in the empty spot next to Benji. She glanced at him and instantly doubled back, shocked.

"Oh my G – _Merlin,_ Ben, what did you DO?"

Benji's left eye grinned down on her while the other one remained splotchy and blue and half-closed on his face. "Fight," he said simply, and Lily wished he didn't sound so pleased with himself.

"You're in idiot," Lily informed Benji. He opened his mouth. "No, shut up. _You're an idiot_. I don't care what the fight was about, or who, it should've happened. Look at your bloody eye, Benjamin! It looks awful."

"It's bloody wicked awesome," Sirius put in, leaning across the table with his eyes twinkling madly. Lily continued to ignore him, crossing her arms across her chest and raising her eyebrows pointedly at Benji.

"Er…am I allowed to talk?" he asked, still smirking. Lily scowled at him again.

"No," she said, turning away and rolling her eyes. "I'd much rather hear what the Head Boy has to say."

James grinned at her, not looking the least bit put off about being put on the spot. "Fight," he shrugged obnoxiously, sipping his tankard and meeting Lily's scowl with a grin of his own.

"Honestly, boys," said Lily, shaking her head. "I'm gone for two bloody days and the whole castle goes to ruin? What's with that? James, I thought you were supposed to be responsible." James and Sirius exchanged glances. "And no, I don't _really_ want to hear what else happened, because _obviously_ something did the way you two are looking at each other."

"Nothing else did," said James. "Where were you? You were gone?"

"Oh," said Lily. "Yes. My sister's wedding. I thought I told you?"

James scratched his head and looked to Sirius. "Er, probably. Congratulations."

Benjamin snorted into his drink. "Lily hates her family," he said, grinning sidelong at her. "Dunno if congratulations are really in order, mate."

Lily glared at Benji. "Ben, I don't _hate _them. When have I even said anything to you about it?" She turned to James and added pointedly, "And thank you, James. It was a very nice ceremony. Petunia is really happy."

"Who'd she marry?" Ben asked, looking genuinely interested, though Lily suspected it was from a comedic standpoint rather than sincerity.

"You mean 'what' did she marry?" Lily said, correctly interpreting his question. "A blonde whale with awful relatives."

Benji started to laugh. James tilted his head questioningly towards her. "A whale?" he said.

"Yes," Lily sighed. She considered laying off the gossip and being a good sister but decided against it. Criticizing anything connected to the Muggle world sounded dangerously appealing to her right now. "See, Petunia's really, really skinny. Like a stick. Worse than me, even, so don't comment – I saw your mouth move, Black. Anyway, Vernon must weigh at least fifteen stones. It's sort of nauseating to see them kiss, let alone think about them – ew. Anyway."

"That sounds…odd," James said carefully, looking like he didn't know whether to laugh or be sympathetic. "No offense to your sister, I'm sure, but –"

"Oh no, all offense is welcome," said Lily brightly. "She's a bit of a floozy, in my opinion. Except not literally. Basically we don't like each other."

"Here's your Butterbeer, dearie," a voice said from Lily's elbow. She looked up to see the barmaid smiling at them all. "Well hello James, Sirius. You two never said hello when you came in!"

"Rosy!" Sirius cried exaggeratedly, beaming and shaking his head a bit to remove his ragged hair from being in the way of his eyes. Lily watched the corners of Rosmerta's mouth tilt up and smirked. "Sorry, love, must not've seen you."

James cuffed his friend on the back of the head. "'Hallo, Rosy," he said lightly, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. "How're you doing today?" Sirius leaned forward with him, swirling his wand around to make little flowers poof out and glitter around James' head. Lily laughed out loud.

"I was doing great, until you lot ignored me!" Rosmerta teased.

"Aww. Sorry about that, Rosy," said James, starting to drape his arm over the booth but putting it down quickly when he remembered Sirius was there. He winked across the table at Lily. "See, when someone as gorgeous as _that _comes in you just kind of forget everything."

"Gorgeous people do tend to have that effect," Lily agreed, examining her nails. "That's why I love studying with you, James. You keep my mind all clear." Sirius and Benji started cracking up.

"Oh, you lot," Rosmerta sighed when the laughter died down. "Always breaking the rules and making fun of each other. Speaking of, why aren't you in school?" Lily waited for an answer as well, curious as to why the Head Boy, his best friend the prankster-king, and a rival Quiddich player were all skipping school together.

"Fenwick here got in a fight," said Sirius, gesturing to Benji, "and after we pulled him and James out –"

"Wait," Lily interrupted, turning her glare onto James. "_You _fought as well?"

"No, no," said Sirius, waving his hand around. "Fenwick and Theodore Downing were having it out on the grounds, Muggle-style, you know, and James came in and blew 'em apart with his wand. It was bloody hilarious to see them go flying through the air."

"What were you fighting about?" said Lily to Ben, who looked suddenly uncomfortable. "Theodore is a Slytherin, but I hope you didn't start a fight because of that, Benji."

"He didn't," said James, and Lily turned her eyes on him instead. He didn't look away. "He called a fourth-year a Mudblood."

The table was silent. Rosmerta looked distinctly uncomfortable and James was looking at Lily, his mouth tight and his gaze level.

"It was a bloody good fight, though," Sirius said after a moment. He nodded to Benji. "Fenwick didn't take anything from him. Downing ended up in the hospital wing while me'n Prongs took him down here for a little treat."

Lily finally looked away from James and back to Benjamin, who she found looking towards her. "You still shouldn't've fought," she said, and his shoulders drooped a little and he turned his head away to snort.

"What was I going to do? Nothing?" he said.

Lily rolled her eyes. "No, Ben, not _nothing_. But you didn't have to fight." Benjamin looked very frustrated and she felt sorry for him. "But look, Benjamin –" She grabbed his hand and forced him to look at her. "If you had to pick a fight about something, I suppose that was a damn good reason to. I'm glad you defended the fourth year."

Benji smiled at her and winked, and Lily inwardly marveled at his ability to change moods like a charm. "Kinda sexy, yeah?" he said, and Lily rolled her eyes again and groaned.

"Beeeen," she said, covering her face with her hands and then turning back to him and smiling. "You're ridiculous."

He grinned at her. "Go out with me."

Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head, noticing belatedly that Rosmerta had left, leaving James' and Sirius' attention on the two across the table.

"No," she said.

Sirius snickered. "Tough luck, mate," he said.

"Come on, Lily," Benji implored, still grinning at her, his magnificent black eye practically begging her to look at him.

"Benjamin, I told you, I just want to be friends. I don't have time for –"

"Time?" Sirius laughed, then looked at James. "Haven't heard that one in a while." Benji looked across at him briefly, then back at Lily.

"Yes, Lily. Time? Who uses that excuse anymore?" he said. Lily rubbed a hand over her eyes and wished she was in bed, despite it being the middle of Sunday afternoon and there being loads of work waiting for her in the castle. She didn't want to deal with this right now – she had just gotten back from a bloody wedding, for Merlin's sake. Further more she'd just gotten back from visiting her _mother_. She didn't want to deal with this.

"Me, obviously," she said, managing to not sound completely annoyed. She looked across the table at James, who was leaning back, hand on his drink, observing the exchange with unaffected interest. "Fenwick, I'd rather snog James here than go out with you at the moment."

"Well go on then," said Sirius.

Lily stared at him. "What?"

"Snog James," Sirius suggested.

Lily looked at Benji, who was staring at James, and then at James, whose gaze was locked on Benji as well. As if feeling her eyes, James' glasses and his lopsided grin turned in her direction.

"Don't be stupid, Black," Benji said, rolling his eyes. "Lily would rather go on a date with a bloody Slytherinthan randomly snog anyone."

Lily's eyes narrowed. She studied Benji, then James, and then turned back to Benji. "Really," she said, drawing out her word slowly. Benji rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Evans. When's the last time you –"

Lily acted before Benji could finish his argument. Leaning forward from her seat and sliding one of her knees onto the bench for better leverage, Lily beckoned James forward with a finger and, ignoring Benji's stupefied gape and Sirius' delight, briskly swept the glasses off his face. With a sharp yank on the lapels of his cloak and a quick grin of reassurance, Lily pulled him forward, whispered, "Sorry about this," and kissed him before she could let her mind catch up and make her lose her nerve.

Her lips brushed against the corner of his mouth, tentatively at first, then a bit more firmly, sliding over his mouth while one of her hands slid from his chest to grip his hair. Tilting her head slightly, Lily caught his upper lip between hers and flicked her tongue against it. She felt James' hand shift into her hair to pull her closer, his mouth pressing a little firmer against hers, and then his lips parted and her tongue was sliding against his and his mouth was soft and hot, tasting like the Butterbeer that was probably threatening to spill down her shirt.

After a few moments Lily finally pulled away, just her mouth, and James opened his eyes. Smiling at him and raising her eyebrows a bit, she released his cloak and dropped back into her seat. Rubbing her knee, which had become jarred sometime in the space she was snogging James, Lily turned to Benji and smiled at him, enjoying his stunned expression while trying to fight down a blush of her own. Turning back to James, who was smiling broadly and adjusting his glasses back over his nose, she raised an eyebrow and informed him,

"We're not going out."

"I hear you perfectly," James replied, still grinning madly. He toasted her with his Butterbeer.

"If you're not going out then she's free game, Prongs," Sirius told James with a smirk. Then – "Evans, you got one of those for me?" He bobbed his eyebrows lewdly.

"Not until tomorrow at least, Sirius. I try not to kiss different boys in one day if I can help it," Lily said lightly, sipping her Butterbeer and offering him a smirk. Inside she felt vaguely dizzy and adrenalized, realizing that this was the first spontaneous thing she'd done in years.

It felt amazing.

"I can't believe you did that," said Ben, shaking his head and downing his drink. He had started to laugh as well. "Merlin, Evans. I think you shook us all up."

"Prongs is red enough, aren't you?" said Sirius, elbowing James and laughing. "Ha! Lily, you clever bird, that was amazing. I don't think I've ever seen Fenwick here with a stupider expression on his face."

"No problem," said Lily, sipping from her bottle again and smirking at Benjamin. "Actually, James, that was quite possibly one of the best first kisses I've had. We avoided all the sloppiness." She smiled at him.

"I live to serve, of course," said James. Lily felt like slapping the silly grin off his face when he winked at her. "You know that if you ever need to prove that point again –"

"You're right here. Gotcha," said Lily. Still slightly giddy, it occurred to Lily that she should probably go finish her homework for tomorrow before her weekend became any more distracting than it all ready was. She glanced at her watch. "Aah. Bloody hell. I have to go." She stood up and adjusted her coat before dropping her Galleon on the table. "Give this to Rosmerta, will you? You can give me the change later," she said to James. He looked at her incredulously.

"Like I'm letting you pay? Come on, Evans, my treat."

"No, really. I prefer to get it myself," said Lily.

"I got it."

"No, Potter. I do."

"Come on, Evans. It's the least you could do after forcing your lips on me." Lily's mouth dropped, and James grinned charmingly at her.

"I didn't –" She stopped and crossed her arms. "Stop trying to push my buttons. I'm paying for my own."

James grinned and stood up, stretching his arms up and looking impossibly tall for being barely ten centimeters taller than Lily. "Tell you what," he said, sauntering towards her. Lily could see his hazel eyes dancing behind his spectacles. "Kiss me again and you can pay."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "You promise?"

"Yes."

Lily wanted to kick him for looking so delighted. "All right then," she said, and she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

"Doesn't count," Sirius called from his end of the table. Lily scowled.

"He said kiss, not snog," she protested.

"On the mouth," James specified.

Lily growled, frustrated. "I wouldn't do this if I didn't have an ongoing goal to always pay for myself," she informed him, and then she leaned up again and kissed him chastely on the lips.

"That was a granny kiss!" Sirius protested loudly. "Do it properly, Evans, come on. I could see some _major _tongue action going on earlier –"

"Nah, that's fine," James interrupted, his eyes on Lily. He knocked her lightly on the chin and said, still grinning, "See you around, Evans."

Why did she feel like she was losing a nonexistent competition here? Lily wondered, but without saying her thoughts out loud she rolled her eyes and just said, "All right. See you blokes later." Benji half-waved, still shaking his head disbelievingly, and Sirius toasted her with a suggestive smirk and a casual flick of his wand. She checked her pocket for her trunk and, finding it there, turned to leave the bar. As she did, she heard Sirius' none-too-quiet inquiry.

"So – was she any good, mate?"

Lily grinned, absurdly pleased, when the next thing she heard was a yelp that sounded suspiciously like it came from Sirius.


End file.
